Peeper

When we moved into this neighborhood, everyone couldn't stop talking about what a great place this was to live. For the most part, we haven't been disappointed. Everyone is so friendly and we all are getting to know eachother.

There is one thing though, that I cannot abide. We have a peeper people. What's worse, I don't think he works alone. He comes out late at night and plants himself outside my bedroom window. His huge eyes peer at me, and even when he knows I see him, he stays there as if he moved, the jig would be up. He is stealthy and cunning and so confident in his skills. I have even been brazen enough to confront the pervert and ask him what his deal is.

His reply? "It ain't easy being green."

Church

I have started attending a local church here. Well, half of my street decided to check out this church and we all ended up liking it. It’s a really cool place. The have a large sanctuary in one building, a coffee shop/bookstore in a second building, and two other buildings that provide children’s church services for kids. One of those buildings has its own sanctuary where all of the classes will meet for an actual children’s service with a puppet show, or sign language demonstration. Then the kids have a snack and go outside to play on their playground. All of the buildings are connected with a covered walkway. It’s actually very similar to a resort, instead of a church.

The services are nice. The worship is a little long for me. I’ve contemplated being 40 minutes late so that I don’t have to stand through the whole thing. The sermons themselves are nice too.

The pastor is quite funny and as I’ve mentioned he works some interesting things into his service. For example, a couple of weeks ago he was talking about how we need to share that we are a Christian and not be ashamed or embarrassed that we love Christ. He was relating a counseling story to us and saying how the man he was counseling was complaining that he and his wife had not been intimate for months. He couldn’t remember the last time they kissed and he was really frustrated. He had been taking care of things himself and it was almost replacing the intimacy that he should have with his wife. The man continued to regale the pastor with money issues, and problems with work and his children. The pastor asked him, “Do you pray about your troubles? Do you talk to God about it? Are you giving all that you can to God whether through volunteering or tithing?” At this point, the man clammed up and, “That’s between me and God.”

The pastor had a great laugh about this, and was puzzled how the man could talk so openly about his problems, and his sex life, but his relationship with God was too private. I thought it was hilarious. I love talking about sex and hearing a pastor talk about it in a funny way really made my day.

I don’t think I’m in love with this church. Religion has always been a family thing for me and Erik is not interested in going. I don’t want to push him because I pushed my ex husband and it was one of the things that led to our divorce. I do like that there are so many people there that it is easy to blend in. I’m not noticed as a new person and swarmed over, which I am grateful for. I have crowd anxiety I think. Always have.

I think I’ll keep going for awhile. I am getting up early by habit because I get up early with Dani. The day is really long when I spend it all day at home and the service helps to break up the day. E likes having a couple of hours to work around the house and study for an AF course that he is taking. The pastor is preaching from one chapter of a book each week. Right now he is working through Mark. I find it interesting and I am glad for the in depth teaching and explanation that he gives. So for now, for me, it’s OK. Like I said, I’m not “on fire” so I think I’ll be OK.

Stagnant

I haven’t known lately what to blog about. My class is going well; I almost aced the first test. My second class starts in a couple of weeks. Dani is doing awesome in school. She is starting to read and write and they have computer lab. For kindergarten. This is what she told us the other night about computer lab.

“I go to the computer and I type in ‘ourlastnameD’ and then my numbers 8749 and they turn into stars!!!”
It took me a second and I said, “Oh, are those numbers your password?”
She squeals, “YES!!” My god, they are teaching 5 year olds how to log onto a computer. Last week she wanted E to get off the computer and she said, “Daddy, file then exit.”

E had a flight picnic today that spouses were privileged to attend. I love lukewarm chicken bbq sandwiches with funky sauce, sour coleslaw, and Pepsi. Blech. But I had the shakes so bad, I had to eat something.

I don’t know whether to be optimistic about this cycle or not. I feel kind of funny. When I get hungry, I get the shakes really bad. I’ve been really dizzy off and on. Yesterday after church, I had to lie down and I took almost a 3 hour nap. Every little ‘symptom’ that I have makes me wonder. I am doing my best to quash those little ‘what ifs’ so that I am not devastated in the end.

Julie and Leggy have had me thinking for the past week and I wonder at what time will I feel that magical “My family is complete” feeling? It’s been a long ten years, and I’m very tired. If we are lucky enough to have another baby, will I feel complete?

It makes me think a lot about growing up and never feeling complete about my life. My happiness. My role….in anything. I remember when E and I got married (we had our 8th anniversary on the 29th of August by the way) the first couple of years that were married were blissful. I was never so happy. I was still very sad every couple of months or so when I would get my period again. But we were happy and that was OK for awhile. I think what broke my happiness streak was when we visited my mom and she was on the phone with my sister. My mom was trying to give her advice because my sis was really worn out from work and not feeling well. I thought that my sister was pregnant and not telling my mom. I didn’t say anything either because it wasn’t my place to suggest it. When E and I were on our way home, we were talking and he said that he needed to tell me something. I said, “my sister is pregnant isn’t she.” He said yes and wondered how I knew. I just knew. People can’t hide things from me.

Of course I was upset. Here I was on my second husband, trying with him for a couple of years trying to have a baby and my sister gets pregnant by her cheating boyfriend. At this point my youngest sister had already had a baby who was 2 at this time. I asked him why no one told me while we were there and I got the “No one wanted you to be upset.” He let me know that he did not agree with that and he wanted to tell me when my mother pulled him aside to ask him to break it to me gently. Well, all that did was make me angry. Let me deal people!!!! Please.

When I did get pregnant with Dani, I couldn’t give my parents their first granddaughter, or grandson. My sisters did that. But I was able to give them the first legitimate grandchild. At least I got one first.

Please

Please tell me that while wandering through the GIRLS' section at Target today, I did NOT see padded bras available.... for girls... like age 9.

Please tell me that while watching FitTv, I did NOT see a show telling how rid our homes of 'chemical soup' by airing out our furniture if we MUST by non-organic products.

Please tell me, how is my Daisy Scout troop supposed to raise money for activities if, according to the leadership manual, Daisy's are not permitted to participate in fundraisers.

Please tell me how to get Dani to attend Sunday school so that I can attend the adult service without distraction.

Please tell me that even though 8 of 8 OPKs told me that I did NOT ovulate this month, I really did.

Please tell me that the 5 pounds that I gained in the last week are due to hormones and NOT to the dozen of Krispy Kremes that I ate in 3 days.

Please tell me why more pastors don't work sex jokes into their services. This really makes the message clearer for me to understand and who doesn't like a good sex joke?

Please tell me if it is possible to blend in a room of 300 people as the only 1 who did not partake in communion at church.

Anyone?

Get Me My Tool Belt

I found a beautiful counter height table and chairs last week and since we needed a new table, I bought it. It arrived at the warehouse yesterday so I drove to Pensacola, got lost, picked up the furniture, got lost, called my neighbor to get Dani from the bus, and got home as fast as I could. I got here just a few minutes after the bus, so everyone was still walking down the street. Phew.

E and I spent the evening assembling the chairs (I opted to save myself $100 by picking up the furniture and assembling myself). We got the chairs put together and brought in the table… and had no HARDWARE. I was so mad. I called them this morning. I told them that I had made a special trip into the city yesterday and that I can’t do that everyday. The next truck that comes out will be Tuesday. So, we might go into P’Cola on Saturday but if not, I won’t get to sit at my table until Tuesday. E says we can eat Japanese style.

I slapped him.

Karma

Remember several weeks back where I wrote about the Creepy Neighborhood Kid and my list of things that I didn’t like about him? Well, number 19 was “when he comes over, he rings the door bell and bangs on the door and peeks through the window until we answer the door.” Well, he still comes over a couple of times a week with other kids in the neighborhood because we got Dani a trampoline for her birthday in July, and they don’t have one. So they come over here to jump on her trampoline.

On Monday we were at another neighbor’s house for a pool party. We had a great day. Last evening, the CNK’s dad came over and told us that on Monday, the boy and his friend had come over to play. Well they knocked on the door and we didn’t answer. I imagine that they proceeded to walk along the porch, and peek in the windows. While they were doing this, they ended up by my bedroom window which is in the front of the house. They got attacked by wasps that had started building a nest behind the shutter of my bedroom window. They ran home screaming that they had gotten stung when they were knocking on the windows.

I knew the nest was there. I was waiting to spray it during an evening when they weren’t so feisty. Well, I told the dad that and he was OK. He just wanted us to know that there was a nest there. That was neighborly of him. But I had a weird sense of Karma come over me. I bet that kid won’t be banging on my house again.

Choice

The upcoming state primary elections and the newest controversy in insuring IVF women got me thinking about the Women’s Right to Choose platform. I know that politics are a no no topic for a lot of people but I don’t really care. I’m dying for some interaction.

I have always believed that a women should have the right to choose what she wants to do to her body. I don’t think that it is right to have an abortion to avoid dealing with an unwanted event. However, I do believe that if the mother and child’s life is in danger, then the possibility should be explored. I could never choose to end an embryo/fetus’s life. Probably because it has been something that I have been denied, but if the crisis arose that my life was in danger, and the child that I carried was in danger, I would have to weigh my decision carefully. Thankfully, I have an amazing supportive husband who I know would be with me through that crisis, so I feel better in that way.

I had a friend in high school who found out that she was pregnant and the father was an obsessive type person. She decided to have an abortion because she was still in school, her mother couldn’t support a baby, and she was terrified that the baby’s father would have a severely negative effect on both their lives. I didn’t support her decision; in fact, I volunteered to raise her baby for her until we graduated high school. Even though I didn’t agree with her decision she was still my friend and I anguished the day that she wasn’t at school because I knew what she was doing.

Last week, with the news that insurance companies in England may start denying obese, infertile women IVF treatments, I started thinking of the Women’s Right to Choose on the other end of the spectrum. If we believe that a women has the right to choose whether she seeks medical help to end a pregnancy, shouldn’t she also have the right to choose if she seeks medical care to achieve pregnancy? I’ll admit that I am ignorant in what most insurance companies will cover in the scheme of abortions or infertility treatments so I’m going on my own assumptions. Also for me this isn't really a weight issue. While I'm sure that my doctor isn't ecstatic about my weight, it goes deeper for me.

I have been on that end of the spectrum. I have had a doctor tell me that I had no business trying to have a baby. I’ve had two tell me that it wasn’t a good time because of an impending move. I’ve had another tell me that I had too much going on. And you know what? Now that I realize that the past 10 years they have been telling me what to do with my body? I’m really ticked!!! What gives them the right to tell me what my wishes are? Why should I be denied to choose to have a baby every year if that’s what I wanted? What makes them know what is best for me? What gives them the right to choose for me?

Oh.... Back to School

Class is going well. Right now I only have the one to worry about and I am doing extra stuff to get ahead so that when my second class starts in October I won’t have too much work to do. My current class is an economics class and I am really learning a lot about our economy. It’s interesting to me. I am going to do my class paper on blogging and how it has started to create a new type of economy that is making it possible for everyone from stay-at-home moms to starving artists to make a living from their blog. I’m really excited about the paper.

I think I have joined a cult. Since Dani is in kindergarten, she is eligible to join Girls Scouts as a Daisy Scout. She is really excited and my neighbor and I signed up to be troop leaders. What’s really cool is that we made up our troop of girls on our street. I really like that idea because we already know them.

I don’t know how much of our TTC saga I am going to share. I think that saying that we will be trying this month is sufficient. I don’t want to write about it obsessively because I don’t want to obsess about it. At the end of September I will let you all know if it worked or not. But, I will say this; tomorrow I start Clomid, so if you are the praying kind, please pray for at least one egg, maybe two?

I hope you all have a great day. Is anyone else checking in with Elle for any update at all? I know I am.

Home Conception a Go-Go

I’m a bad blogger, I know. But honestly, I’ve never really been a good one.

So, yesterday’s visit to the RE left me…encouraged. He gave us the choice of running tests on lots of things that could be wrong, or follow the protocol that has worked in the past and go from there. So, we chose to follow what has worked in the past. I left the office having had an ultrasound (I evidently have huge ovaries. I told the RE that’s because my eggs never leave), a review of our history (E has enough sperm to populate a small country), and scripts that will get us started on our conception, heretofore known as ‘making cookies’. E and I already make a lot of cookies and on days 12-16, we will be making cookies everyday.

The RE suggested that we use an ovulation predicting kit. I have never used one before, because what was the point? I never knew how long my cycle would be, so I never had any idea when I would ovulate. So while we were waiting for the scripts to be filled at the pharmacy I was scouting out OPKs. I found one that tested saliva. Evidently, when you ovulate there is estrogen in your saliva. When the saliva dries and you look at it under a microscope the estrogen will cause saliva to dry in a fern-like pattern. Fascinating. I still went with a urine test because using saliva just didn’t seem like it would be that reliable. But if it were, that would be great. Spit is so much easier to clean off of your hands than pee, and it’s not quite so gross.

E and I also tackled another home project this week. A few weeks ago I fell in love with this 1930’s Belgian work table. This mutha was 7 feet long. Perfect for what we wanted; which was to use it as our home office. It could hold both of our computers and have lots of room for paperwork. The only problem was that E did not want to pay the $900 price tag.
















E got inspired and said that he would like to build me one. I was very hesitant. Neither of us knows much about building furniture but I went along with it. I went back to the store, took some pictures of the construction and E and I made our building plan. This is how it ended up.

I love it. It came out so well and we had it done in 2 days. We also had a lot of fun. E excels at planning and I can spot the middle of a 7 foot plank within a quarter of an inch. He thinks I’m the bomb. The best part? This handy home project had a price tag under $200 including sandpaper and stain. We only used 5 tools, a hammer, tape measurer, saw, drill, and nails. Cuz I wanted it old school.

Recovery

I’m starting to feel a little better. Thanks Jen and Margaret for your insight. Margaret, I could really relate to what you said. It made me feel a lot better, like God doesn’t have some kind of vendetta against me. I believe that human error or interference has a lot to do with hardships that we have to endure. You stated it so well, that I got it.

On to other things; one week until my RE appt. I’m scared and excited. I think I am also PMSing which doesn’t help. That may be why I was so depressed the other day. My body does wonderful things to me. My PMS mimics early signs of pregnancy. Currently my boobs hurt, I’m nauseous, my stomach is very tender and hard, and I’m gagging on my toothbrush. I’m also very moody and my clothes are a smidge tight. I think if I were accustomed to having a normal cycle it wouldn’t phase me, but the 10 year infertile in me grasps onto those signs as hope. I should really know better than that. It’s my secret wish to go into the RE office and already be pregnant.

I haven’t told you all about my most recent escapade have I? Well, I enrolled in classes and I am going to get my AA in Accounting. While working with the counselor I discovered that I only need 2 classes besides the 10 core classes for the degree. So depending on how heavy I want my class load to be, I could finish within a year. I bought my books yesterday, which was difficult. $250 on 2 books just about killed me. Thankfully the tuition at this school is not too expensive so it kind of balances out but man… that’s a lot. My first class starts next Monday.

I got an email last night from my sister in law….it seems that she has started a blog on blogspot. This makes me a little nervous. I am going to take down the post that I wrote about them so that just in case she finds me, she won’t get mad. Not that I wrote anything that wasn’t true, I just don’t want to hurt her feelings. Her topic; unschooling. What the heck is that?

Well that’s it for me; I need to eat something before I throw up. Peace out.

Grief

After the neighborhood moms drop off our kids at the bus stop the 4 of us on our street all walk home together and chit chat. My one neighbor with 3 girls NW3G told us about a dream that her husband had this weekend. He dreamt that he was at work and a group of airmen that he had known were getting on a plane. All of these people were soldiers that he had known that had been lost in 2 different crashes in Afghanistan. One of the members came up to him, put his hand on my neighbor’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry; they’re just going on a trip.” NW3G mentioned the name Sean while nodding to one of my other neighbors (she has a boy and girl, NWBG). It turns out Sean was her husband and he was in a plane that went down in Afghanistan in ’02.
Her husband has been gone for just over 4 years. We stood out there and talked for well over an hour about religion, church and I got the story about her husband’s death. I’ve been feeling really sad and crummy lately and this morning just took me over the edge. NWBG is a beautiful and full of life woman. Her kids are great. She has an amazing personality and it wasn’t until she told us that her husband died that my suspicions were confirmed. (I had wondered about her personal situation but did know her well enough to ask).

E and I talk frequently about what our wishes are if one of us dies. Really if you or a loved one in is in the military, you have to talk about it at least once. We each have a will; we just have not done estate planning. Every time E gets ready to deploy I make my plan about what I am going to do if he doesn’t come back.

I could only hope to be as put together as NWBG. She said it is only by God that is as strong as she is. I have asked myself and others several times, “How do you have that faith?” I’m told, “You just have to pray. It will come. Believe. Read the Bible.” The advice is endless. I know that several of you are very religious and full of faith.

I just can’t do it. I feel broken inside over my lack of faith. I feel angry that one thing that I wanted to share of myself is limited. I feel devastated that I love a child so much and I will never see her face or hear her laugh. I am grieving over a little girl who is still alive. I love her with all my heart; and she will never know.

I do believe that God is good.
I believe that God is love.
I believe that God heals.

For everyone but me.

Home Improvement A Go~ Go

I know you are all dying to see my new kitchen....or you forgot I was doing it. I actually finished last weekend but I haven't wanted to mess with resizing the pictures. But know that I am BORED because of school, I had time.

Here is what my kitchen looked like the day we moved in. It was very cozy, had a nice pansy border, white walls, and was clean, thank goodness. The cabinets are probably the original ones when the house was built. The floor is a dark green faux marble linoleum tile (self adhesive). I liked the kitchen but it just didn't seem to be me, so I was thumbing through a book (Trading Spaces) and found a cute kitchen that I loved. And it was within my price range.

The first thing I did was sand everything with fine grain sandpaper, took off all the hardware, and took off the cabinet doors. Then everything got a coat of white primer. The cabinet faces were left original and a coat of crackle glaze was brushed on. When that dried, I put on a coat of Country White paint. I love the antique look and the crackle came out really nice.






This is the wall that was behind the open door in picture 1. I painted the edges of the top cabinet doors Coutry White as well as the cabinet frames. Two coats. On the bottom cabinet doors I outlined a blue color. I liked the color and decided to put it on the walls as well. The whole thing turned out looking French Country and I love it.








Here is the wall opposite the sink. For the finishing touches, I got all new hardware in a silver finish. Cabinet hinges, and handles. I also got all new switchplate and outlet covers in silver. They really add a nice modern flair to the country look. Now, my dilemma is that my nice, expensive Long*berger sage pottery does not match the blue. *sigh* I don't think they make those crocks anymore either. So if anyone has blue or white Long*berger crocks, maybe we could trade?

So this is the first home improvement project in our new house.

You vote:
Yay or Nay

(Nay doesnt' really matter, cuz I'm not changing it. Ha!)

Homeland Security

When we moved down here, I was driving somewhere…and was behind a minivan. I could tell that the driver was a proud parent. She had those magnetic signs on the back of her van with the names of her kid’s schools and different sports that they played. What really surprised me was that she also had magnets with her kid’s names on them. The first thing that came to my mind was, “Oh my gosh, it would be easy for someone to abduct her children on the street or walking home from school. All they would have to do to verify that they knew who their mother was, describe the vehicle and know what their names were.”

I thought of this again when I was labeling Dani’s backpack and lunchbox for school. I knew that I needed to have her name, but I really didn’t want any more information than that available for anyone who picked up her stuff. So, I wrote the name and address of the school for her things to be returned to.

This week for homework, we are supposed to teach our kids their address. I guess another lesson in the saga of strangers will be due as well. Teaching and trusting independence in your child is hard. I don’t want her to grow up, but I also don’t want to ever feel lost with no way to find her way home.

School Days

*Edited to add photos.

I made it through the first day of school without my heart breaking completely. Dani had no problems this morning. When that bus came around the corner she literally squealed in delight. When the doors opened, she ran to the line to get on. She found a seat at the back of the bus and I could see her looking at everyone around her; except out of the window at me waving until my arm wanted to fall off.

E went to work late so that he could see her off on the first day. When we got back to the house we both cried. How can she be ready for this? Why are we not? How can she be so prepared?

Then I thought about it. E and I have been preparing her for this day for 5 years. So, I’m proud. I’m super proud of her. She lights up my day… every day. We went to orientation yesterday and she was so happy to meet her teacher. None of the kids seemed happy to be there. Dani went right up to them, asked them their names, and told them hers. E and I realized that she did NOT get the congeniality gene from either of us.

I guiltily had a nice quiet day. I got my nails done for E’s induction ceremony tomorrow night. Is it sad that the only dates we ever have are because of an Air Force function? I went to an antique shop and took some photos of a table that I fell in love with this weekend. I tried to get my FL driver’s license but they needed my marriage license which I don’t carry with me everywhere I go. Then I went to a big home improvement store and came home.

Top 5

I have a couple of things to update. Nothing too exciting, but updates none the less.

No news or info on the CNK. I have told Dani several times that no one can touch her body except Mommy, Daddy, and her doctor and if anyone ever does, she needs to tell us right away. I’ve been telling her every other day or so to make sure she gets the message. At this point she doesn’t seem to be freaked out or worried; in fact she doesn’t even seem to hear me, but I know she is listening. I did appreciate everyone’s input on the situation. Someone who posted anon said that I needed to call Children’s Services and get authorities involved. Believe me, if I felt that this child was a dangerous threat to my daughter or to anyone else’s kid, I would do it in a heartbeat. However, my gut tells me that he has been exposed to something inappropriate but I don’t feel that he is a predator. Second, I don’t really have anything to go to the authorities about. Just my list of things that creep me out. Rest assured that at no time is he out of my sight and/or listening distance when he is at my home. Neither is any other child who is here for that matter. It drives me crazy when I see kids out all day without a parent. I may be slightly overprotective though.

Next topic, I am redoing my kitchen cabinets. They did have a wood finish. They were very nice, but old, so I am giving them a touch up. Actually, I am making them look older. I have crackle finished my cabinet fronts and I am painting the rest of the cabinets a white color. I am contemplating painting my kitchen walls a blue color that matches the countertops. I will have E take some pictures for me so that I can get some input from all of you lovely people.

Third topic, the RE’s office called me back and I have an appt. toward the end of August. I’m just whiling away the days until then. My uterus blew my mind this week. I had my period again after only 35 days. I couldn’t believe it… I haven’t had cycles that close since being on the pill.

Topic four. School starts next week on the 2nd. Besides the obligatory “first day of school picture” how do the rest of you commemorate that special day?

Topic five. This is the worst. It started out great. It was a beautiful day today so my neighbor and I took the kiddos to the beach for the afternoon. We went into the water one last time to rinse off and I got slammed by a wave. I tried desperately to keep my suit bottom from getting pulled out into the Gulf and succeeded… however, my right booby wanted to get some sun. Yes, I flashed the entire beach my right boob. I guess nipple slips are so passé that I had to raise the bar. E was very upset that he missed it.

So what embarrassing moments will all of you treasure from this summer?

Proud Mom Moment

I took Dani to register for kindergarten and I was received by a very friendly receptionist who barraged me with a pile of paperwork. Thankfully, with my experience at filling out adoption paperwork I was eerily prepared and breezed right through it. I came armed with birth certificates, marriage license, residence information, and shot records. It was very self affirming.

I sat down to fill out the registration forms and gave Dani some paper and a pen to keep herself busy with. She started drawing pictures of herself and me. Lately her pictures have developed from lopsided circles with sticks for limbs to more rounded circles with sticks. So, she hasn’t come far in that respect, but she has been paying more attention to detail. She was describing what she was drawing, “Here’s my hair, and my eyes….and my ears, and hands. Oh, and here are my phalanges.” I was so proud. I almost heard the receptionist’s neck snap as she looked toward us. Internally I screamed, “YES! I have an exceptional child!”

And OMG! Yesterday she turned 5!

I's Purty Smart, Ain't I?

*Slight update on the CNK. He has been lying to us about his age. He is not 8, only 6 ½.*

I think that if any of you knew me, you may find me a little annoying. I love to cook, clean my house, raise my daughter and decorate my house to look like the inside of a magazine, though the last is far from true at this point. I even enjoy dieting because I get to cook two different dinners; one for E and Dani and the other for me. I just love cooking.

I manage all the money in our house, keep on top of the bills to a point that almost annoys E, and I am always making new plans on paying off our loans earlier.

But I had my shining moment today. Before I sound like a complete dimwit, I need to give some background. We have not had a house phone for 3 years. We have only had our cell phones.

So, I had called NW4B to ask if they would like to come over for dessert. They were busy and didn’t answer the phone so I Ieft a message with my request.

So, I call another friend and invite her and her girls to Dani’s birthday party next weekend. Then this beeping starts and I almost ask her is she has another call, because I hear beeping on the line. But I am the one getting the call. But I don’t know how to switch over because it’s a brand new phone and I don’t know how all the buttons work. I can see on the caller ID that it is my neighbor. So I’ll just call her back.

When I get done, I do so, and NW4B says they will be down in a little while.

Fast forward to when we are having dessert and NW4B asks if she listened to my voicemail.

“I have voicemail?”

“I didn’t know I had voicemail.”

“Is that why my dial tone sounds weird whenever I pick up the phone?”

So, after they left, E calls to check our voicemail and he has to set up the password and everything. He checks our voicemail and there are 3 messages. Two from my aunt, who called on the 3rd of July, and one from NW4B.

I felt so stupid.

Mama Bear Out

I really appreciate everyone’s comments on my last post. You have all, again, reaffirmed to me that my instincts are right. I am especially glad that the 2 anon peeps spoke up. I feel that in a situation like this, all insights are valuable. I hope that in the future you will continue to speak up in situations where 360 degrees of opinions are needed.

I have thought long and hard about what my actions will be. I don’t want to ostracize the poor kid. He obviously needs some direction that he may not be getting from home. Ideally, I would like the topic to come up casually so that I can talk to him about it without scaring him or embarrassing him. I also would like to talk to his mom. She is a very sweet person though I fear a bit ignorant or too proud. Even to close to the situation. As much as he annoys me, I want to be a person in his life that he can trust. It’s that mother instinct that I seem to have toward all children even if they scare me.

Problem is, I can’t fix everyone. I am going to continue to watch the situation closely and the second that he attempts something else inappropriate, I am going to call him on it. I will also go to his mom, discuss it calmly and suggest that she go to her family doctor to find some resources to get her son help. I want to be supportive and not that neighbor who made her son out to be monster.

I will keep you updated on the situation as it unfolds.

Protecting Your Young

I feel at a stand still getting the house done. Most everything is unpacked. We want to redo our living room with different furniture and a new home office area but we ran out of money. We got E a little white truck with the cash we had saved up. I also bought E a kayak for Father’s Day, and we had to pay for 20 days of our hotel while we were waiting for the house to close. So, I have all the fantastic ideas for the house, but no money to do it with. In time, our savings will start to grow again, but there are other things that are more important.

First, Dani’s birthday is on the 17th. She will be 5.

5!!!!

My baby!!

5!!!

And I have no idea what we are going to do for her big present. I would like to get her a trampoline. I think she would have a blast if she would actually use it. Some neighbors down the street have an in ground one. That sounds awesome. I would also have to dig up my beautiful green yard.

I would like to throw her a party, but we only know 2 little girls her age. There are several other kids in the neighborhood, but they are all boys and with the exception of one, they are older.

Speaking of older boys, there is one particular boy (8 years old) in our neighborhood that……concerns me. I have named him the Creepy Neighborhood Kid (CNK). This sounds cruel, but I am an adult and he makes me very uncomfortable. There have been some things that he has done while playing with Dani that I find odd. Let me make a list.

1. He knows no boundaries of personal space.

2. The first few times that he came over, Dani would go into her room to get a toy and he would follow her, and immediately close the door. I didn’t think of this much the first time, but after a few minutes, Dani started crying and she said that “he was laying on me”.

3. This caused me to make the rule that doors stay open unless you are in the bathroom.

4. One day when they were playing, I quietly peeked in Dani’s room and she was laying sideways on her bed reading a book. He was standing at her knees with his hands on the bed on either side of her like he was getting ready to get on the bed with her. He jumped away and said, “I’m not doing anything.”

5. Now I have a rule that they aren’t allowed in her room.

6. He picked up E’s cordless drill, that did not have a drill bit in it, and put it to my temple and he said he was going to kill me. I told him, “Oh no, that is absolutely not OK to do at my house.”

7. He told Dani that she was stupid because she didn’t know what 2 + 2 was. She came and asked me if she was stupid and I told her of course not! I explained to CNK that he is twice her age, and he is going into 3rd grade and that she is very smart for a little girl who is not 5 yet.

8. He wanted to play a game with Dani that he was putting her into jail because she was drinking beer and doing drugs. I told him that she doesn’t know what those are, and to please not play games like that.

9. He came into my room following Dani who wanted to ask me a question. She climbed onto my bed next to me to snuggle. He climbed up as well and spooned her. I tried to make a joke out of it and told him to sit up. If he was tired, then he could go home to take a nap.

10. Shortly after that, I made a new rule that they could only play in the front yard and only if Dani wanted to. My reason to him was that if his mother called for him, he would hear her. This also allowed Dani to make the decision if she wanted to play with him or not.

11. The day after I made that rule, I met a new neighbor down the street. She has 4 boys the youngest of which will be 6. She heard me tell CNK that they could play in the yard, not house, and told me, “That’s a good rule to have.” She then proceeded to tell me that 2 days before she had popped open the locked door to her son’s bedroom and found CNK naked on top of her 5 year old son. Let say, someone’s business was in some else’s mouth. He jumped off the bed, blamed it on her son, and then said they weren’t doing anything wrong. She took him home and made him tell his father what happened. He blamed it on her 5 year old saying that he was doing it too.

12. He told me his favorite movie is Chucky.

13. Neighbor with 4 boys (NW4B) has since ‘had it out’ with CNK’s parents and the boys are no longer allowed to play with each other.

14. The CNK told me I was his ‘Love’.

15. He likes to hug me. This is uncomfortable because I have a large chest and his head comes right to it. So, I avoid it at all if possible, if not, I bend down.

16. He told Dani, when he thought that I wasn’t listening, that if she didn’t show him her teeth, he would hit her.

17. His mother called me after NW4B and I met to tell me how wonderful her son is and how sweet, and smart he is.

18. His actions have made me so concerned that I spoke to my doctor about it and asked him what I should teach Dani about inappropriate behavior.

19. When he comes over, he rings the door bell and bangs on the door and peeks through the window until we answer the door.

So, am I overreacting at all by feeling that the next time I see this child will be too soon? You know what else scares me? She will be riding the school bus with him. If he hasn’t isolated her, are there other children in danger? I almost want him to try something so that I can catch him. Then I will have a valid concern to talk to his mother about. However, while on the phone with me, she said repeatedly that she believed in her son. They have had no problems in the 2 years that they have lived here and NW4B has only been here a few months.

You know what else terrifies me? I was molested by classmates from 3rd until 5th grade. It doesn’t only happen from adults. How am I supposed to protect Dani while she is at school? My parents never knew. Will I?

Happy 4th!!!

Now that we live in the same state as our mother's we are heading out tomorrow for the obligitory long weekend visit. E has a four day weekend so we have some extra time to kill. We are only spending Sat. and Sun. with his brother, wife, nephew, and mother then we are coming home. We still have a lot of work to do in the house and maybe this weekend I will be able to get my new dining room table.

I love my mother-in-law for the wonderful man that she raised in E. His other two brothers are, for the most part, very nice too. Both are in long term, satisfying relationships. I just love E. He is a fantastic husband and father. His mom, C, and his dad, J, divorced when E was 1. J moved to Michigan and E and his brother only saw him a handful of times during their childhood. I can't even begin to calculate the amount of child support that they boys never saw. So, C raised the boys on her own. She had her mom and dad nearby to help and E feels very satisfied his childhood.

As much as I respect what she has done with the boys, visiting them is always a little uncomfortable. They live at the bottom of the Okefenokee Swamp in northern Florida. E's mom is a believer in nature and I lovingly refer to her as The Swamp Witch....cuz she kinda really is. She fits the bill by being a small statured woman, surrounded by cats (about 30), raspy voice (from 40 years of smoking), she reads Tarot, and she has been known to wish unfortunate events on people that occured. She insists that the house not infringe on the woods that they live in. For example, no trees get cut down, no flower beds planted, and the lawn rarely gets mowed. We won't discuss the roach problem before my brother-in-law and his wife moved in with her.

They had to move in with her you see, because one year she got sick. And none of her boys called to see if she was OK. She was determined to die there as a lesson to the boys I guess. So, the dutiful oldest son moved out there so that if she got sick again they would be able to help her. She cut down on smoking....now she only smokes outside when she isn't sucking off the oxygen tank. Eh, what are you gonna do?

So, we are off for the weekend. I can't wait to come home.

Happy 4th Everyone!!!!