Monday, July 30, 2007
Dreamin'
I had a dream this morning that my SIL called here and she wanted to discuss something about a letter that we had sent them and Dani had 'said' something in the letter pertaining to Cousin that 'hurt his feelings'. In the dream before the call, her and I had decided that she would tell Cousin that Dani was sorry for hurting his feelings. Well, when she called, I was really sick of her sending messages about the whole thing and E answered the phone. I could hear her talking to him and she sounded nice. Then he handed me the phone and we simultaneously rolled our eyes, like we do, and I said, 'Hello'. Then she said, 'I told Carol (her mom?)our wonderful plan on helping Cousin deal with what Dani said. We just want Dani to know that what she said hurt Cousin's feelings-" I cut her off and said, "SIL, shove it." And she hung up on me.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Home Sweet Home
We are back.
I have a lot to get off my chest. What shall I talk about first? The fact that my MIL has a spot on her lung but doesn't see it necessary to tell E or his other brother about it so that we don't worry(she lives with E's oldest brother so he was privy to the ER visit)? The theory that if she stops her 30 year chain smoking habit that it will magically go away? Do you want to hear about on our last night at their house there was a snake in the house? And guess who found it... the person extremely phobic... that would be me.
Or maybe talk about my mom, who says that she and my step dad need to buy a bigger house so that they can fit all of their stuff in it (I told her to throw out her crap and get rid of half of her furniture). She also claims that my step sister is an alchoholic. Well, I drank almost every night that I was there because I was so aggrivated by all of my mom's schemes to make money. She wants me to design bumper pads for hospital beds. She is also planning on writing a short story and selling copies of it on Eb@ y. Of course some of the proceeds would go to a charity.
She also has a grand scheme to buy the family land from my Uncle, which is currently a trailer park, and build storage units. She has fanagled my sister into staying on the property where she isn't paying the rent and living off of welfare and food stamps. These things are what frustrates me about my family. My mom is always trying to fix everyone else's problems. It makes me very grateful that E and I are self sufficient.
Dani turned 6 while we were gone. This weekend is the big party. We are having a triple party with 2 of my neighbor's girls because they all have summer birthdays. I am already regretting this, but Dani is excited about it and I'm sure that we will have fun.
I have lots more to say about my MIL and my mom. I'm kind of angry at both of them right now, and I would like to have more coherent thoughts. I'm so glad to be back in the blogging world.
I have a lot to get off my chest. What shall I talk about first? The fact that my MIL has a spot on her lung but doesn't see it necessary to tell E or his other brother about it so that we don't worry(she lives with E's oldest brother so he was privy to the ER visit)? The theory that if she stops her 30 year chain smoking habit that it will magically go away? Do you want to hear about on our last night at their house there was a snake in the house? And guess who found it... the person extremely phobic... that would be me.
Or maybe talk about my mom, who says that she and my step dad need to buy a bigger house so that they can fit all of their stuff in it (I told her to throw out her crap and get rid of half of her furniture). She also claims that my step sister is an alchoholic. Well, I drank almost every night that I was there because I was so aggrivated by all of my mom's schemes to make money. She wants me to design bumper pads for hospital beds. She is also planning on writing a short story and selling copies of it on Eb@ y. Of course some of the proceeds would go to a charity.
She also has a grand scheme to buy the family land from my Uncle, which is currently a trailer park, and build storage units. She has fanagled my sister into staying on the property where she isn't paying the rent and living off of welfare and food stamps. These things are what frustrates me about my family. My mom is always trying to fix everyone else's problems. It makes me very grateful that E and I are self sufficient.
Dani turned 6 while we were gone. This weekend is the big party. We are having a triple party with 2 of my neighbor's girls because they all have summer birthdays. I am already regretting this, but Dani is excited about it and I'm sure that we will have fun.
I have lots more to say about my MIL and my mom. I'm kind of angry at both of them right now, and I would like to have more coherent thoughts. I'm so glad to be back in the blogging world.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Follow Up and Out
E and I had our follow with my RE today from the D&C. The baby was normal. And a boy.
E and I decided, with the RE's input, to wait for awhile before deciding to continue or not. The RE also brought up the suggestion of seeking counseling while we are on hiatus. E seemed very excited about that. I do know that we need to find a way to communicate about this. It seems so easy for him to get on with his life and I still feel like I am at a permanent red light. I find it very hard to talk to him without wanting to yell and fight. And I am just not a confrontational person. I wrote an angry letter last week and he saw it. I don't know if I intentionally left it out or not but he read it nonetheless. He was actually glad that he found it because it opened up a dialog for us.
On Saturday, we are going to head out to the swamp to visit E's family for a few days then heading downstate to visit with mine. I can't really call it a vacation because is visiting family ever a vacation? It also feels like we don't make these trips for us either. It is usually for the family involved. It's just not relaxing if you have to worry about bugs crawling on you when you are sleeping or stepping in cat poop when you walk out the door. Maybe I'll take some antifreeze with me......
.... kidding.
It will be my first road trip since my accident in March. I hate driving now. Everyone moves too fast and I don't seem to have any personal space on the road. And I won't even go into the "Cut me off" bumper sticker I must have on my vehicle somewhere. I'm just thankful we won't be going into any big cities.
So, I don't know if I will post when we are gone. It will kind of take away from the whole 'secret blog' thing that I have going on.
But I'm watching.... always watching.
E and I decided, with the RE's input, to wait for awhile before deciding to continue or not. The RE also brought up the suggestion of seeking counseling while we are on hiatus. E seemed very excited about that. I do know that we need to find a way to communicate about this. It seems so easy for him to get on with his life and I still feel like I am at a permanent red light. I find it very hard to talk to him without wanting to yell and fight. And I am just not a confrontational person. I wrote an angry letter last week and he saw it. I don't know if I intentionally left it out or not but he read it nonetheless. He was actually glad that he found it because it opened up a dialog for us.
On Saturday, we are going to head out to the swamp to visit E's family for a few days then heading downstate to visit with mine. I can't really call it a vacation because is visiting family ever a vacation? It also feels like we don't make these trips for us either. It is usually for the family involved. It's just not relaxing if you have to worry about bugs crawling on you when you are sleeping or stepping in cat poop when you walk out the door. Maybe I'll take some antifreeze with me......
.... kidding.
It will be my first road trip since my accident in March. I hate driving now. Everyone moves too fast and I don't seem to have any personal space on the road. And I won't even go into the "Cut me off" bumper sticker I must have on my vehicle somewhere. I'm just thankful we won't be going into any big cities.
So, I don't know if I will post when we are gone. It will kind of take away from the whole 'secret blog' thing that I have going on.
But I'm watching.... always watching.
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
The Reluctant Patriot
E and I spent first part of our day at a military homecoming. We helped to welcome home troops returning from various parts of the Middle East. A couple hundred of highly excited spouses, parents, children, and friends anxiously awaiting the plane to land surrounded us. One family caught my attention. It was a young mom in her early to mid 20’s with a 3-year-old girl and a 4-5 month old baby boy. She looked so tired and like she was about to burst into tears at any moment. She reminded me a lot of myself.
I remembered being in that situation almost 5 ½ years ago. Dani was 6 months old when E came home from his first deployment after 9/11. I remember I was desperate when he was gone. I had our brand new baby, and though I was fully capable, it was hard taking care of her by myself for 3 months. I wanted my husband with me for those middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. I wanted him to be at home so that I could get an hour to go grocery shopping instead of making my schedule around breastfeeding. I missed him terribly for companionship, and for contact. When the day came for him to get home, I did not put much faith in that he would actually get off the plane. There were some scheduling conflicts with other people and space available on the flight if my memory serves me. It was cold, a few days after New Years. There were hundreds of people crammed into a small welcoming room and more milling around outside.
I remember tearing up when the plane landed. I studied each soldier as they stepped off the plane that was probably ¼ mile from where the crowd was blockaded. I didn’t see him. I was afraid that I wouldn’t recognize him. I spotted the shop chief and he asked if I had seen E yet. No. He told me to try to go inside. Yeah, through the hundred people stuffed in the doorway. I had Dani tucked into my jacket and was about to go in the door and I found myself in a fierce hug. E had found me. I didn’t want him to let go, but he was squishing Dani. He didn’t know that she was in my jacket. We had to find a place to sit down and re-believe that we were actually seeing each other.
I don’t really like homecomings because they bring those feeling of despair, fear, and loneliness back to me in tidal waves of emotion. I also have a hard time being around people calling troops their ‘Hero’, and they are preserving our country, sacrificing their lives. That one really gets me. I guess you could call me a reluctant patriot. I fully support our troops. My husband is one and so are most of my friends. I just cannot get behind the purpose that they are ‘sacrificing’ their lives and precious irretrievable time with their families. I get angry because when will it really ever end? One of the commanders made a short speech today about it ‘truly being Independence Day’. I say, it was a perfect opportunity to drive home the propaganda that our leaders are trying to pass off. People are so much more likely to go along with your ideas when they are devastated and broken emotionally.
I remembered being in that situation almost 5 ½ years ago. Dani was 6 months old when E came home from his first deployment after 9/11. I remember I was desperate when he was gone. I had our brand new baby, and though I was fully capable, it was hard taking care of her by myself for 3 months. I wanted my husband with me for those middle of the night feedings and diaper changes. I wanted him to be at home so that I could get an hour to go grocery shopping instead of making my schedule around breastfeeding. I missed him terribly for companionship, and for contact. When the day came for him to get home, I did not put much faith in that he would actually get off the plane. There were some scheduling conflicts with other people and space available on the flight if my memory serves me. It was cold, a few days after New Years. There were hundreds of people crammed into a small welcoming room and more milling around outside.
I remember tearing up when the plane landed. I studied each soldier as they stepped off the plane that was probably ¼ mile from where the crowd was blockaded. I didn’t see him. I was afraid that I wouldn’t recognize him. I spotted the shop chief and he asked if I had seen E yet. No. He told me to try to go inside. Yeah, through the hundred people stuffed in the doorway. I had Dani tucked into my jacket and was about to go in the door and I found myself in a fierce hug. E had found me. I didn’t want him to let go, but he was squishing Dani. He didn’t know that she was in my jacket. We had to find a place to sit down and re-believe that we were actually seeing each other.
I don’t really like homecomings because they bring those feeling of despair, fear, and loneliness back to me in tidal waves of emotion. I also have a hard time being around people calling troops their ‘Hero’, and they are preserving our country, sacrificing their lives. That one really gets me. I guess you could call me a reluctant patriot. I fully support our troops. My husband is one and so are most of my friends. I just cannot get behind the purpose that they are ‘sacrificing’ their lives and precious irretrievable time with their families. I get angry because when will it really ever end? One of the commanders made a short speech today about it ‘truly being Independence Day’. I say, it was a perfect opportunity to drive home the propaganda that our leaders are trying to pass off. People are so much more likely to go along with your ideas when they are devastated and broken emotionally.
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