Monday, January 29, 2007


Dani has never been as sick in her whole life as she has been since we moved to the Sunshine State. We are on cold 5/6. I give the / because this one started last Wed. at 3am with a 101.1 temp. The fever hung around for a couple of days. She missed school on Wed. and came home early on Thurs. The doc on Thurs. said that it was viral, she had some sinus congestion and gave her a decongestant. I guess the snot caused the fever? She was fine on Friday and all through this weekend. Yesterday I let her play outside because she was so bored. One hour before bed? Fever, again. At 1 am she came into our room, very upset because she had no voice. I told her that when people wake up, their voices are raspy (she says she has a 'crunchy voice' which I think is very cute). When I tucked her in again she started crying. And said that her ear hurt. Fantastic I thought. She had an ear infection right before Christmas and 2 weeks before that had been sent home early from school.

See, that's 3/4 illnesses in the past 6 weeks. She came down with a couple when school started too. I know that cooties are rampant in schools but Oh My God, this is ridiculous. She is staying home today. She's lucky that I don't have class today or else she would have to go to school. I hate it when she is sick.

Thursday, January 25, 2007


Remember when I wrote this post, about E deploying at the end of February? Well, he came home last night and told me about a conference that he has to attend. At the end of February. I started laughing and he couldn't figure out why. I said, "Remember my dream? About you banking sperm so that I could do AI while you were gone?" Then he started laughing too.

I have a gift. I promise to only use it for good.

He will only be gone for a week, thank goodness. And he doesn't have to leave the country either. Phew.

Just for S&G's, I counted out my next 2 cycles assuming (and I'm going out on a limb here) that I will still have 35 day cycles, and found that the night he comes home will by my first ovulation night. That is unless I get pregnant on my own this month....Please... stifle your laughter.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Village Idiot

This post from Elle today got me thinking. My pet peeve is nonparenting parents. In the comments I said that I follow and agree with the philosophy that "it takes a village to raise a child". It also got me thinking about something that I did this past weekend.

E, Dani, and I were driving home from an afternoon on the beach. We were on a residential street and down the way a little bit was a group of about 5 middle school age kids. There is no sidewalk on this street so the kids were in the road. As I got closer, the 5th one started walking further into the road in front of me. I got about 150 away and the girl right next to her pushed her farther into the street and they ambled the rest of the way across giggling the whole way. It really irritates me when people do that, especially kids, and even more when my child is an observer. When I got to them, I slammed on the brakes, put E's window down and yelled out the window, "Hey, that's not funny! Don't do it again! You're going to get ran over!" I stopped, I think, before my voice morphed into an inaudible shrill. I almost said, "Next time you do that, I'll run your ass over", but I thought that might have been overkill.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007


I had a dream a couple of nights after surgery that E was going to deploy at the end of February. I spent most of the dream trying to convince him the bank samples with the RE so that I could do Artifical Insemination while he was gone. In the dream I thought that it would be so cool for him to come home and me already be pregnant.

It occurred to me after I woke up that he would be the laughing stock of the base when he would tell people that I got pregnant while he was gone and noone would realize why he would be so happy about it.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Rise Above

I had the lap. I'm recovering well. My belly is quite sore, but I am staying on the meds so surviving. The doctor found a negligle amount of endo. Not nearly enough to sweat any worry over. He says my uterus, tubes, and ovaries look fantastic and there is no reason to think that a pregnancy can't be easily achieved. Yet, here we are, now 11 years in this Hell. So I am stuck in the realm of 'Unexplained Infertility'. Still. Again. Whatever.

I'm glad that there wasn't anything horribly wrong, but I was really wanting an answer to my infertility. For all intents and purposes the surgery was a waste of time.

Tonight I was inducted into the "Girls Club". My neighbor, A, took me with her and a bunch of friends to their monthly Mom's Night Out dinner. We went to a very nice restaraunt in historical Pensacola called Dharma Blue. I had my first sushi, an Alaskan Roll, and fantastic crab cakes.

A is also the neighbor with whom I share Daisy Girl Scout leader responsibilities with. It's that time of year ladies.... cookie season.....If you don't already have a troop that you support, I would be happy to priority mail cookies to you. We are working with the girls to decide what we would like to do with our cookie money. I think we need some help. They have come up with Chuck E. Cheese. These are a group of 7 girls ages 4-6. Can anyone think of something they did while in scouts or think of a cool activity that we could do with these girls? Girl Scout cookies have 0 Trans Fats. There is a new variety called Lemonades this year. Also we are offering a variety case which includes 1 box of each of the 8 types of cookies for $25. Just sharing info for when you pass those sweet girls at their cookie booths.

Dani had her first sleepover last night at A's house. They had so much fun. In fact E and I were there until 2am talking with A about what else? Faith and God. E and I do that a lot. I am reliving my miscarriage and D&C from 3 years ago when we lost Michael, almost to the day. Its ironic that I am currently experiencing the same physical pain 3 years later but for a different reason. I just hope the year can't end any worse than it is beginning.

Have a fantastic weekend everyone. Enjoy the Holiday and on Monday and take a moment to reflect on the bravery of not only Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. but of all the people in our history who have risen above fear and made a stand for the better of mankind.

To Courage.

Monday, January 08, 2007

"F" is for Fandamntastic

My computer teaches hates me already. There are only 6 people in the class including me and she has had them all as students sometime in the past year. So they have all had the prerequisite class for this course. So have I, but it was the Fall '97 semester. She said that when it's been 10 years she starts to worry. I made a joke that it's only been 9 so I'm good. I also mentioned that I use MS Office all the time and I took a year of classes online which required all assignments to be done in Office. She didn't seem reassured.

Then she mentions that she is highly allergic to all perfumes and lotions and to please not wear them to her class. Guess who was the only one wearing perfume?


While she is going over the syllabus she is throwing out terms regarding the course that I have heard but have lost my familiarity with but I'm following along pretty well. Then she looks at me and says, "You're going to be the problem." At first I thought she was talking about the perfume then I realized that it was about experience.

Further on in her discussion she was letting us know the school's policy on children in the computer lab. Which is they are not allowed. That's fine. But she continues to inform us that she "doesn't have any children, doesn't want any children, she can't stand children, and that the 'little shits' scare me." Thank goodness I didn't tell her that I have a child and they are not scary at all.

This is gonna be a fun class.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007


E loves taking pictures. He is learning how to manipulate textures, from say tree bark, and making it a background to his photos. He's generally playing around and having fun. I got him a remote for the camera for Christmas so that he has a little more freedom and stability while taking long exposure shots. He is really enjoying his hobby and I am glad that he his. One day during Christmas week we went to a little beach at sunset that is annexed to the base so that he could play with lighting and such. He took on photo of a couple that we saw there.

They were a nice couple. I would say in their 50's and they were sharing a glass of wine on the deck. When he was looking at the photos later at home he showed it to me. He said that even though we don't know them it was a nice moment in someone's life to capture.

I said, "You know, I bet they were having an affair." He asked my why I thought that. Well, they had separate vehichles. She drove a Mercedes, he a pickup. They only had time for one glass of wine. At five o'clock after the base played retreat and the National Anthem they got into their respective vehicles and left.

He said but they seemed so happy. I said, "Yeah, most people in their 50's are not that happy."

I could be completely wrong. Maybe they were just meeting after work on their way home for a moment to relax before they got ran over by their teenage kids. But I don't think so.

He says I'm too good at things like that. It must be from watching CSI too much.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Me!!

I am feeling better already. Warm comments always do. Thanks girls.

I talked to my Dad today. He is not dying of the cancer that I invented. He just had a busy week and was waiting for a quiet time to talk to me. I jumped the gun and called him tonight and we had a nice visit. Dani wanted to talk to her 'Grandpa Tom' so I let her. He laughed like I haven't heard him laugh since I made tuna casserole for him for dinner and forgot the tuna. He asked her if we had any snow and she said, "No...we're in Florida!!" He loved it. He said she can't believe how well she talks. I guess she gets it from her gramatically anal mom.

It has been a long winter break. I love Dani. I think she is fantastic, but I am ready for her to go back to school. I only have to get through tomorrow. My semester starts on Thursday as well. My favorite thing that she did on winter break? She was practicing writing and she yelled from her bedroom, "Mom, what are the letters that make the 'ing' sound?" I said, "I N G". She came into the living room a few minutes later with a piece of paper that had 'Daddee is a stingkr' on it. Heehee... Yes Honey... yes he is.

Man I love her.

Our big family Christmas present this year was a family membership to our local zoo. I highly recommend doing this. Dani thoroughly enjoys going. We heard on the radio today that the camel at our zoo is expecting and they are having a naming contest. They also have a pair of Black Swans who are sitting on 2 eggs. It will be a fun spring and summer watching those babies grow up.

One thing I wanted to mention about 2006. I have watched Elle, Rhonda, and Jen, Karen, and Kim complete their adoptions. I have been so happy for you all. But at the same time it has devastated me. I keep thinking back and wondering what would have happened had I not been tired, and frustrated, and heartbroken. I guess I'll never know. I don't know if I have formally commented on your blogs congratulating you or not. I have in my heart and my mind. It's just really painful for me to tell you. Maybe its childish on my part. I'm just not there yet.

I decided to start 2007 of this blog in a new way hence the updated template. Most everything else is the same. I had to figure out how to arrange the sidebar the way that I wanted it. It was fun and made me, once again, want to learn how do code and graphics. But, for now it can wait.

This year, I want to take the title of my blog to heart. Listen and Hear. I am a very good listener but I don't always hear what I am supposed to (especially when directed to me). I originally intended this to be a place where I heard what the universe was whispering in my ear. I haven't been doing that and I think I need to. I also hope to approach the new year with a quiet reason that allows me think about what I hear and fit it into my life where it is supposed to go.

I've never been one for resolutions. But I have always been one for individual spirituality. I need to find it again. I mean REALLY find it. Because I fear that if I don't, I will forget who I am and never find it again.