Class is going well. Right now I only have the one to worry about and I am doing extra stuff to get ahead so that when my second class starts in October I won’t have too much work to do. My current class is an economics class and I am really learning a lot about our economy. It’s interesting to me. I am going to do my class paper on blogging and how it has started to create a new type of economy that is making it possible for everyone from stay-at-home moms to starving artists to make a living from their blog. I’m really excited about the paper.
I think I have joined a cult. Since Dani is in kindergarten, she is eligible to join Girls Scouts as a Daisy Scout. She is really excited and my neighbor and I signed up to be troop leaders. What’s really cool is that we made up our troop of girls on our street. I really like that idea because we already know them.
I don’t know how much of our TTC saga I am going to share. I think that saying that we will be trying this month is sufficient. I don’t want to write about it obsessively because I don’t want to obsess about it. At the end of September I will let you all know if it worked or not. But, I will say this; tomorrow I start Clomid, so if you are the praying kind, please pray for at least one egg, maybe two?
I hope you all have a great day. Is anyone else checking in with Elle for any update at all? I know I am.
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
Home Conception a Go-Go
I’m a bad blogger, I know. But honestly, I’ve never really been a good one.
So, yesterday’s visit to the RE left me…encouraged. He gave us the choice of running tests on lots of things that could be wrong, or follow the protocol that has worked in the past and go from there. So, we chose to follow what has worked in the past. I left the office having had an ultrasound (I evidently have huge ovaries. I told the RE that’s because my eggs never leave), a review of our history (E has enough sperm to populate a small country), and scripts that will get us started on our conception, heretofore known as ‘making cookies’. E and I already make a lot of cookies and on days 12-16, we will be making cookies everyday.
The RE suggested that we use an ovulation predicting kit. I have never used one before, because what was the point? I never knew how long my cycle would be, so I never had any idea when I would ovulate. So while we were waiting for the scripts to be filled at the pharmacy I was scouting out OPKs. I found one that tested saliva. Evidently, when you ovulate there is estrogen in your saliva. When the saliva dries and you look at it under a microscope the estrogen will cause saliva to dry in a fern-like pattern. Fascinating. I still went with a urine test because using saliva just didn’t seem like it would be that reliable. But if it were, that would be great. Spit is so much easier to clean off of your hands than pee, and it’s not quite so gross.
E and I also tackled another home project this week. A few weeks ago I fell in love with this 1930’s Belgian work table. This mutha was 7 feet long. Perfect for what we wanted; which was to use it as our home office. It could hold both of our computers and have lots of room for paperwork. The only problem was that E did not want to pay the $900 price tag.
E got inspired and said that he would like to build me one. I was very hesitant. Neither of us knows much about building furniture but I went along with it. I went back to the store, took some pictures of the construction and E and I made our building plan. This is how it ended up.
So, yesterday’s visit to the RE left me…encouraged. He gave us the choice of running tests on lots of things that could be wrong, or follow the protocol that has worked in the past and go from there. So, we chose to follow what has worked in the past. I left the office having had an ultrasound (I evidently have huge ovaries. I told the RE that’s because my eggs never leave), a review of our history (E has enough sperm to populate a small country), and scripts that will get us started on our conception, heretofore known as ‘making cookies’. E and I already make a lot of cookies and on days 12-16, we will be making cookies everyday.
The RE suggested that we use an ovulation predicting kit. I have never used one before, because what was the point? I never knew how long my cycle would be, so I never had any idea when I would ovulate. So while we were waiting for the scripts to be filled at the pharmacy I was scouting out OPKs. I found one that tested saliva. Evidently, when you ovulate there is estrogen in your saliva. When the saliva dries and you look at it under a microscope the estrogen will cause saliva to dry in a fern-like pattern. Fascinating. I still went with a urine test because using saliva just didn’t seem like it would be that reliable. But if it were, that would be great. Spit is so much easier to clean off of your hands than pee, and it’s not quite so gross.
E and I also tackled another home project this week. A few weeks ago I fell in love with this 1930’s Belgian work table. This mutha was 7 feet long. Perfect for what we wanted; which was to use it as our home office. It could hold both of our computers and have lots of room for paperwork. The only problem was that E did not want to pay the $900 price tag.
E got inspired and said that he would like to build me one. I was very hesitant. Neither of us knows much about building furniture but I went along with it. I went back to the store, took some pictures of the construction and E and I made our building plan. This is how it ended up.
I love it. It came out so well and we had it done in 2 days. We also had a lot of fun. E excels at planning and I can spot the middle of a 7 foot plank within a quarter of an inch. He thinks I’m the bomb. The best part? This handy home project had a price tag under $200 including sandpaper and stain. We only used 5 tools, a hammer, tape measurer, saw, drill, and nails. Cuz I wanted it old school.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Recovery
I’m starting to feel a little better. Thanks Jen and Margaret for your insight. Margaret, I could really relate to what you said. It made me feel a lot better, like God doesn’t have some kind of vendetta against me. I believe that human error or interference has a lot to do with hardships that we have to endure. You stated it so well, that I got it.
On to other things; one week until my RE appt. I’m scared and excited. I think I am also PMSing which doesn’t help. That may be why I was so depressed the other day. My body does wonderful things to me. My PMS mimics early signs of pregnancy. Currently my boobs hurt, I’m nauseous, my stomach is very tender and hard, and I’m gagging on my toothbrush. I’m also very moody and my clothes are a smidge tight. I think if I were accustomed to having a normal cycle it wouldn’t phase me, but the 10 year infertile in me grasps onto those signs as hope. I should really know better than that. It’s my secret wish to go into the RE office and already be pregnant.
I haven’t told you all about my most recent escapade have I? Well, I enrolled in classes and I am going to get my AA in Accounting. While working with the counselor I discovered that I only need 2 classes besides the 10 core classes for the degree. So depending on how heavy I want my class load to be, I could finish within a year. I bought my books yesterday, which was difficult. $250 on 2 books just about killed me. Thankfully the tuition at this school is not too expensive so it kind of balances out but man… that’s a lot. My first class starts next Monday.
I got an email last night from my sister in law….it seems that she has started a blog on blogspot. This makes me a little nervous. I am going to take down the post that I wrote about them so that just in case she finds me, she won’t get mad. Not that I wrote anything that wasn’t true, I just don’t want to hurt her feelings. Her topic; unschooling. What the heck is that?
Well that’s it for me; I need to eat something before I throw up. Peace out.
On to other things; one week until my RE appt. I’m scared and excited. I think I am also PMSing which doesn’t help. That may be why I was so depressed the other day. My body does wonderful things to me. My PMS mimics early signs of pregnancy. Currently my boobs hurt, I’m nauseous, my stomach is very tender and hard, and I’m gagging on my toothbrush. I’m also very moody and my clothes are a smidge tight. I think if I were accustomed to having a normal cycle it wouldn’t phase me, but the 10 year infertile in me grasps onto those signs as hope. I should really know better than that. It’s my secret wish to go into the RE office and already be pregnant.
I haven’t told you all about my most recent escapade have I? Well, I enrolled in classes and I am going to get my AA in Accounting. While working with the counselor I discovered that I only need 2 classes besides the 10 core classes for the degree. So depending on how heavy I want my class load to be, I could finish within a year. I bought my books yesterday, which was difficult. $250 on 2 books just about killed me. Thankfully the tuition at this school is not too expensive so it kind of balances out but man… that’s a lot. My first class starts next Monday.
I got an email last night from my sister in law….it seems that she has started a blog on blogspot. This makes me a little nervous. I am going to take down the post that I wrote about them so that just in case she finds me, she won’t get mad. Not that I wrote anything that wasn’t true, I just don’t want to hurt her feelings. Her topic; unschooling. What the heck is that?
Well that’s it for me; I need to eat something before I throw up. Peace out.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Grief
After the neighborhood moms drop off our kids at the bus stop the 4 of us on our street all walk home together and chit chat. My one neighbor with 3 girls NW3G told us about a dream that her husband had this weekend. He dreamt that he was at work and a group of airmen that he had known were getting on a plane. All of these people were soldiers that he had known that had been lost in 2 different crashes in Afghanistan. One of the members came up to him, put his hand on my neighbor’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry; they’re just going on a trip.” NW3G mentioned the name Sean while nodding to one of my other neighbors (she has a boy and girl, NWBG). It turns out Sean was her husband and he was in a plane that went down in Afghanistan in ’02.
Her husband has been gone for just over 4 years. We stood out there and talked for well over an hour about religion, church and I got the story about her husband’s death. I’ve been feeling really sad and crummy lately and this morning just took me over the edge. NWBG is a beautiful and full of life woman. Her kids are great. She has an amazing personality and it wasn’t until she told us that her husband died that my suspicions were confirmed. (I had wondered about her personal situation but did know her well enough to ask).
E and I talk frequently about what our wishes are if one of us dies. Really if you or a loved one in is in the military, you have to talk about it at least once. We each have a will; we just have not done estate planning. Every time E gets ready to deploy I make my plan about what I am going to do if he doesn’t come back.
I could only hope to be as put together as NWBG. She said it is only by God that is as strong as she is. I have asked myself and others several times, “How do you have that faith?” I’m told, “You just have to pray. It will come. Believe. Read the Bible.” The advice is endless. I know that several of you are very religious and full of faith.
I just can’t do it. I feel broken inside over my lack of faith. I feel angry that one thing that I wanted to share of myself is limited. I feel devastated that I love a child so much and I will never see her face or hear her laugh. I am grieving over a little girl who is still alive. I love her with all my heart; and she will never know.
I do believe that God is good.
I believe that God is love.
I believe that God heals.
For everyone but me.
Her husband has been gone for just over 4 years. We stood out there and talked for well over an hour about religion, church and I got the story about her husband’s death. I’ve been feeling really sad and crummy lately and this morning just took me over the edge. NWBG is a beautiful and full of life woman. Her kids are great. She has an amazing personality and it wasn’t until she told us that her husband died that my suspicions were confirmed. (I had wondered about her personal situation but did know her well enough to ask).
E and I talk frequently about what our wishes are if one of us dies. Really if you or a loved one in is in the military, you have to talk about it at least once. We each have a will; we just have not done estate planning. Every time E gets ready to deploy I make my plan about what I am going to do if he doesn’t come back.
I could only hope to be as put together as NWBG. She said it is only by God that is as strong as she is. I have asked myself and others several times, “How do you have that faith?” I’m told, “You just have to pray. It will come. Believe. Read the Bible.” The advice is endless. I know that several of you are very religious and full of faith.
I just can’t do it. I feel broken inside over my lack of faith. I feel angry that one thing that I wanted to share of myself is limited. I feel devastated that I love a child so much and I will never see her face or hear her laugh. I am grieving over a little girl who is still alive. I love her with all my heart; and she will never know.
I do believe that God is good.
I believe that God is love.
I believe that God heals.
For everyone but me.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Home Improvement A Go~ Go
I know you are all dying to see my new kitchen....or you forgot I was doing it. I actually finished last weekend but I haven't wanted to mess with resizing the pictures. But know that I am BORED because of school, I had time.
Here is what my kitchen looked like the day we moved in. It was very cozy, had a nice pansy border, white walls, and was clean, thank goodness. The cabinets are probably the original ones when the house was built. The floor is a dark green faux marble linoleum tile (self adhesive). I liked the kitchen but it just didn't seem to be me, so I was thumbing through a book (Trading Spaces) and found a cute kitchen that I loved. And it was within my price range.
The first thing I did was sand everything with fine grain sandpaper, took off all the hardware, and took off the cabinet doors. Then everything got a coat of white primer. The cabinet faces were left original and a coat of crackle glaze was brushed on. When that dried, I put on a coat of Country White paint. I love the antique look and the crackle came out really nice.
This is the wall that was behind the open door in picture 1. I painted the edges of the top cabinet doors Coutry White as well as the cabinet frames. Two coats. On the bottom cabinet doors I outlined a blue color. I liked the color and decided to put it on the walls as well. The whole thing turned out looking French Country and I love it.
Here is the wall opposite the sink. For the finishing touches, I got all new hardware in a silver finish. Cabinet hinges, and handles. I also got all new switchplate and outlet covers in silver. They really add a nice modern flair to the country look. Now, my dilemma is that my nice, expensive Long*berger sage pottery does not match the blue. *sigh* I don't think they make those crocks anymore either. So if anyone has blue or white Long*berger crocks, maybe we could trade?
So this is the first home improvement project in our new house.
You vote:
Yay or Nay
(Nay doesnt' really matter, cuz I'm not changing it. Ha!)
Monday, August 07, 2006
Homeland Security
When we moved down here, I was driving somewhere…and was behind a minivan. I could tell that the driver was a proud parent. She had those magnetic signs on the back of her van with the names of her kid’s schools and different sports that they played. What really surprised me was that she also had magnets with her kid’s names on them. The first thing that came to my mind was, “Oh my gosh, it would be easy for someone to abduct her children on the street or walking home from school. All they would have to do to verify that they knew who their mother was, describe the vehicle and know what their names were.”
I thought of this again when I was labeling Dani’s backpack and lunchbox for school. I knew that I needed to have her name, but I really didn’t want any more information than that available for anyone who picked up her stuff. So, I wrote the name and address of the school for her things to be returned to.
This week for homework, we are supposed to teach our kids their address. I guess another lesson in the saga of strangers will be due as well. Teaching and trusting independence in your child is hard. I don’t want her to grow up, but I also don’t want to ever feel lost with no way to find her way home.
I thought of this again when I was labeling Dani’s backpack and lunchbox for school. I knew that I needed to have her name, but I really didn’t want any more information than that available for anyone who picked up her stuff. So, I wrote the name and address of the school for her things to be returned to.
This week for homework, we are supposed to teach our kids their address. I guess another lesson in the saga of strangers will be due as well. Teaching and trusting independence in your child is hard. I don’t want her to grow up, but I also don’t want to ever feel lost with no way to find her way home.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
School Days
*Edited to add photos.
I made it through the first day of school without my heart breaking completely. Dani had no problems this morning. When that bus came around the corner she literally squealed in delight. When the doors opened, she ran to the line to get on. She found a seat at the back of the bus and I could see her looking at everyone around her; except out of the window at me waving until my arm wanted to fall off.
E went to work late so that he could see her off on the first day. When we got back to the house we both cried. How can she be ready for this? Why are we not? How can she be so prepared?
Then I thought about it. E and I have been preparing her for this day for 5 years. So, I’m proud. I’m super proud of her. She lights up my day… every day. We went to orientation yesterday and she was so happy to meet her teacher. None of the kids seemed happy to be there. Dani went right up to them, asked them their names, and told them hers. E and I realized that she did NOT get the congeniality gene from either of us.
I guiltily had a nice quiet day. I got my nails done for E’s induction ceremony tomorrow night. Is it sad that the only dates we ever have are because of an Air Force function? I went to an antique shop and took some photos of a table that I fell in love with this weekend. I tried to get my FL driver’s license but they needed my marriage license which I don’t carry with me everywhere I go. Then I went to a big home improvement store and came home.
I made it through the first day of school without my heart breaking completely. Dani had no problems this morning. When that bus came around the corner she literally squealed in delight. When the doors opened, she ran to the line to get on. She found a seat at the back of the bus and I could see her looking at everyone around her; except out of the window at me waving until my arm wanted to fall off.
E went to work late so that he could see her off on the first day. When we got back to the house we both cried. How can she be ready for this? Why are we not? How can she be so prepared?
Then I thought about it. E and I have been preparing her for this day for 5 years. So, I’m proud. I’m super proud of her. She lights up my day… every day. We went to orientation yesterday and she was so happy to meet her teacher. None of the kids seemed happy to be there. Dani went right up to them, asked them their names, and told them hers. E and I realized that she did NOT get the congeniality gene from either of us.
I guiltily had a nice quiet day. I got my nails done for E’s induction ceremony tomorrow night. Is it sad that the only dates we ever have are because of an Air Force function? I went to an antique shop and took some photos of a table that I fell in love with this weekend. I tried to get my FL driver’s license but they needed my marriage license which I don’t carry with me everywhere I go. Then I went to a big home improvement store and came home.
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