Screw Calgon, give me a drink

Things are quiet around here regarding everything for baby. I'm at a standstill for finishing the Roman shade for the Squirt's room and I'm nervous about starting a quilt because I don't want to mess it up. I still haven't started buying clothes or anything else for that matter. But we did bring the crib down from the attic and OH MY GAWD, there is a baby crib in my house.

However, the front between Dani and I is tumultuous. Maybe it's summer boredom, maybe it's hormones, maybe she's trying to force me into early labor. Either way, I am losing it with her. I have signed her up for a summer gymnastics program, a summer reading program at the library, I'm trying to get her to do Girl Scout stuff with me so that we can spend time together and to help her keep busy. She doesn't want to fingerpaint, color, craft, cook, shop... nothing except watch TV. And I seem to get punished with everything that I suggest that we do together. Yesterday for example, she spit gum in my purse and somehow set off the alarm on my vehicle. Not too mention canceling her 'Mom's Love Band' that she was forming because evidently she doesn't love me anymore and I make her "want to poke her eye out with a pencil". Yeah, yesterday was not a good day.

In fact, I felt really guilty about it, but I emailed E at work and told him I was looking forward to having a child who could not talk.

So aside from my daughter hating me, and not liking anything that I do, coupled with my development of gestational diabetes I'm doing just great.

Sunrise ~ Sunset

For the past couple of weeks I've been making mental notes about the differences in this pregnancy and Dani's. Granted, it's been seven years since I was pregnant with Dani, but there are quite a few things that stand out to me. It wasn't until I was talking on the phone with a friend who had a baby last month that some of these differences must be attributed to age. My friend had her first at 24, and has just had her third at 29. She said that being pregnant this time was a lot harder on her.

And then I thought about me. I was 24 when I was pregnant with Dani. And it was great. I felt awesome, looked awesome, excercised, and had energy.

This time.... well, things are different. There is always the foreboding that something will happen and we will lose the Squirt. But then there is fatigue. At 26 1/2 weeks, I still need to take a nap at least 3 days a week. I pee when I cough or sneeze. If I accidently turn onto my back while sleeping; I get stuck. My lower abdomen is tender; I attribute this to uterine growth. I have leg cramps now. I'm always hungry. The weight I've currently gained is only 6 pounds less than I had with Dani at 36 weeks. My feet always feel swollen and tight, though they don't appear to be. For the life of me I cannot remember to take my prenatals.

Am I complaining? I don't think so. I'm just noting the differences. I would go through a lot to make sure that the Squirt comes home safe and sound. I'm too grateful to complain.

Dork

Only my husband can lay in bed at night while reading ahead for his Philosophy class and laugh at the arguments in the text.

Back to Routine

I'm feeling better having my house back.

Dani is done with school. She is on her way to 2nd grade!!!

We painted the Squirt's bedroom and I'm going to start getting fabric to do my accents in the room. I also plan on taking some of the animals from the fabric I get and painting them on the walls to help break up the monotany. I love murals.

I cautiously started shopping. Nothing too extravagant, but I also met up with a friend of mine from class and she gave me a swing, bouncer, pack-n-play, carseat, stroller, and jumper/activity thing. All for $100. I was so excited.

Have you noticed the reuseable canvas bags that grocery stores are selling at the checkout counters? You know the environmentally friendly ones for like a buck? Well, I had intended on making myself some and then I found some for .70 a piece. I can't make them for less than that. So I got about a dozen and a half. I love them. They are much more sturdy than store issue plastic and easier to carry than paper bags. I use them almost all of the time. I keep them tucked in between the console and my seat in the front so that I remember them.

And Flicka, yes, I would like the quilt instructions that you mentioned a few posts ago. If you have time that is. I know you are getting ready to go out of country.

Gah, I've wasted enough time on the computer today. I need to get cleaning.... something.

Dear Mom

1. You weigh 200 pounds. Walking down the street in MY neighborhood with your shirt rolled up and tucked under like a White Trash Redneck is not appropriate.

2. You weigh 200 pounds. A magical diet is not going to make you lose weight. You have to work for it. And that means walking faster than a turtle.

3. If you get embarassed when Dani leaves your bedroom door open while you are napping and you are naked, don't sleep naked at other people's houses.

4. Stop making comments that its OK if E is in our bedroom after his shower naked and we all see him.

5. Don't bring your own food to my house. I can buy our food. I don't like the things that you bring and it makes no sense to bring containers of your own drinks. That is why I ask what you want to eat when you plan your trip so that I can have it here. And I'm sorry, but the food that you bring/make is disgusting. Even if you are not the one that cooks it.

6. Don't come and visit me if you are going to sleep all night and all day waking up only to eat, pee, flatulate in my house and make a joke of it, and talk on the phone all day long to my sisters who can't get their lives straight.

7. Stop bailing out said sisters' when they have problems. You don't like it that Sister 2 goes out drinking? Stop paying her rent and bills so that she has to pay them, and then she won't have the money to go out.

8. Stop making plans to take Sister 2's kids so that she will move to FL. Sure, she sucks as a mom, but so do you. And you can't stay awake long enough to take care of children.

9. Stop buying dogs.

10. Sure, E and I may discipline Dani a little harshly at times, or not address her the way that you deem appropriate, but she is well behaved and respectful. And she loves us.

11. Don't give me real estate advice. I've learned how to do everything in my life the way that I do because of the way that you have fucked up everything that you do. You cannot expect to keep refinancing your mortgage and ever pay it off.

12. Stop buying vacation packages. (especially when you 'accidently' use someone elses bank card)

13. Don't walk around my house in a towel after your shower. Especially when my husband is home.

14. Don't touch my stomach.

15. Don't give Sister 1 relationship advice on how to make J love her. You know you would be the first one to cheer when they finally split up for good.

16. And when you are talking to her on the phone, don't compare your marriage with my Dad to her marriage. They are nothing alike and you were the problem in that relationship. Not Dad. He loved you.

17. My name is not Preggo.

18. Don't walk around in my house wearing shorts and a sports bra especially when my husband is home. Just because it is a sports bra does not mean that is doesn't require a shirt.

19. Don't buy 'crab bait' and 'fish bait' and store it in my freezer until the next time you visit. I don't have the room and that is gross.

20. If I accidently leave something private on my computer screen don't look through it. My friends on MySpace do not need you trolling around and snooping in their lives.

21. Don't lay down with Dani to 'help' her get to sleep. She has been going to sleep on her own since she was 3 months old.

22. Don't EVER get my family a pet.

23. I am not adding a room onto my house as a 'mother-in-law' room. Nor am I selling my house to gain an extra room so that there is room for you to visit. We bought a small house on purpose. And you have a magical timeshare to use and there are condos on the beach 6 miles away.

24. Keeping bottles that had water, soda, or juice in them at purchase should be thrown away. Not refilled with whatever you want to refill them with. Get a real cup or bottle that can be refilled.

25. If you really did eat as well as you say you do, you would not weigh 200 pounds.

26. Blowing your nose at the table is disgusting.

27. We all know that your marriage is not that great. You are constantly sneaking money away to help the girls with their problems and not understanding why S gets so upset.

28. Your religion is cooky. I try to be understanding, I try to let it go, I try to be accepting. But it's just cooky.

29. You are not a psychiatrist, doctor, counselor, financial adviser, or pharmacist. Stop giving people advice like you are any of those things.

30. Brother doesn't talk to you because he doesn't like you. He's not up to anything that wouldn't approve of... unless you don't want him to go to school, support himself, or have a close network of friends.

Well, that would be a nice start.

Must be love

Conversation between me and E.

Me: (Looking into the mirror with a scowled brow) The waistline on this shirt makes my tits look huge.

E: (With a sly smirk) No it doesn't.

Me: (With slightly improving self esteem and adoration) Really?

E: Your tits are already huge.

Me: (Eye roll)

Three Words

Doggy Diaper Rash

That is the current affliction of our dog caused by Urine Burn. Which explains why she has been whining so much more lately. I felt so bad for her that I almost cried. The tech shaved her as close as she could and her skin is red and sore in close to a square foot area. They put silver sulfate on her, the same that we got when Dani had a burn last summer, and they said to use Desitin until this clears up. Well, I already have some diaper rash ointment so I will use that.

This all started after her surgery when she would not wake up to go potty. There were just these puddles where she had been laying. So we had her on an incontinence medicine. Evidently it wasn't working. So now she is on something else and it has helped. Oh, and we may have to start setting an alarm to wake her up to go potty at night.

I feel so guilty that we didn't notice this before.

I'm the White Elephant in the Room

I'm going to get a little controversial here for a moment. One of the classes I had was called Social Problems. This class dealt with things in our world/community that affect society in a negative way, ergo Social Problems. We discussed population, marriage, drugs, families, abuse, crime, weapons..... and on and on. It was very interesting and I liked the class but it was a quite heavy for my heart to have to come to terms with what the teacher was saying. And in most ways I agreed with his positions and opinions. I really got into the environment/global warming discussion and population.

With that in mind, the recent natural disasters in Mynamar and China have me feeling a little ambivilent. While it is sad and horrible that those places have suffered a large loss of life, it kind of needs to happen. In a lot more places than just there. I do not exclude myself from this idea. Though I would rather something occur naturally rather than war related. Although, if a nuclear bomb were to be dropped on us in our area, that would be fine. I guess what I mean is I don't want to suffer, my family to suffer, to be homeless, or destitute. Just ended.

Also by the end of this class I am pretty much decided that E and I won't try for another baby. If I hadn't gotten pregnant, I probably would have decided not to try again anyway. It's all about population control. We are not going to go extinct unless we destroy ourselves. So let's quit fighting and start working together. And let's get gas prices down because OMG $3.75 a gallon?!?! It's not right and it needs to change. I am purposely not going anywhere unless I absolutely have to in order to save gas. It makes me very angry.

Be Still My Beating Heart

Have you seen the annoucement on TV by some legal team saying that if you've had heart surgery, the operating team may have used a drug 'without your knowledge' that may have severe side effects including death and if you have had this heart surgery you need to call them right away?



That's really awesome to tell someone who has a heart condition.



I'm just sayin'.

Busy as a Bee and Dealing with Pee

For months I have been waiting for the end of the semester so that I could relax, chill, get organized. Wanna know what I have done in the week since classes have ended? I have pressure washed 85% of my house (why didn't anyone tell me that pressure washing was so gratifying? I love it. I need help.) I have repainted my garage door and my porch railing (when I pressure washed I noticed the paint was flaking), made my Mother's Day cards, designed a card for a friend of mine, and I finally mopped my floors. I think its just the 'active' phase of my pregnancy. I think its too early for nesting. Also.... I'm procrastinating all of the shopping that I have to do.

Not because it will be tiring, but just because whenever I walk into a baby department I start having an anxiety attack. Then sales people start asking if I need any help, then about a dozen women with little babies pass by me. That's why I prefer setting up a registry online. The only downside is that I can't find everything that I need online so eventually I will have to go to the store.

Since we know that we are having a boy, I want to start looking for fabric and picking a color scheme. I have a lovely white porch rocking chair that I got last year for Mother's Day that I would like to bring into the 'room' and I would like to make cushions for it. Also, I have never made a quilt and I would really like to try. For Dani I cross-stitched a blanket and she still likes to use it. I would like for the Squirt to have a special blanket that I made for him as well.

On a complete tangent, after Sasha's surgery last week it took 5 people to carry her out to my van on a stretcher because her back end was still out from the anestesia. That's 81 pounds of dog and hair for those of you keeping track at home. They let me borrow a brace with handles on it to help her move around. I think that she has most of her mobility back, though it wasn't great to begin with. However, for a couple of days she did not have control of her bladder. Once she was laying on the living room floor and there was just a puddle at her back end. We looked at her and she wagged her tail and she had no idea that there was pee back there. I had also noticed a considerable wet spot on my bedroom floor. I don't have a carpet cleaner, which now I guess I need to get. The smell was getting pretty bad when I had a stroke of genius. White vinegar. I sprayed the carpet with white vinegar maybe 4 times throughout the day and by bedtime the smell was gone. So, if you have pet odor, try white vinegar in a spray bottle.

And I Shall Call Him.....

Squirt

Because he is 'rippin' rollin' and punchin'. This baby moves like Krazee.

Fini

It's done. I took my last final today. I'M SO GLAD!!!!

I just want to take a moment to give my accolades to all the women out there who work full time while pregant. I only had to go to class 2 days a week and do homework at home, for 4 classes and there were several times I thought that I would drop unconscious from exhaustion.

I don't remember the last time I mopped my floors. My weekly cleaning schedule is completely off. I've succumbed to ordering pizza one night a week because I just don't want to cook. Dani has been sad that I have't been at the bus stop to walk her home every day because I've been napping. There is stuff all over my house and I haven't even gotten any baby items yet. The dog hasn't been brushed, or groomed. She did have her surgery today and they called and said she is fine. I can pick her up later. I don't have to miss Ghost Hunters anymore on Wed. nights!!

I am just so relieved. I am planning on taking the summer and fall semester off and going back in Spring '09. I won't be able to do 4 classes again so it will put my completion of my AS until the fall sememster of '09.

I also feel really proud of myself. I know that I have two A's, maybe three if I did really well in Accounting. My stats. is going to be a B. I blew my A by getting a C on our last test.

Schooooool's. Out. For. The. Summer!!!

Dr. DoLittle *Updated*

I need some input/opinions here. By Monday let's say. We have a 12 year old Husky/Shepherd/Something dog, Sasha. She is wonderful. Loving, patient, MELLOW, sweet, obedient, practically perfect. In the 6 years since we have had her she has fallen into a ditch, we took her to the vet and he found two masses on her belly that were huge tumors of breast cancer. We had them removed and she had 2 mastectomies. Since we have moved down here, she has gone deaf. I think it was were we had to board here while we waited for the house to close. It was so loud there.

Today I took her to the vet to get her shots and ask about a lump behind her ear. The doc lanced it~ it was so gross, but clear, not infected~ and while looking at her teeth he found another lump on her gums. He drained that as well and it was full of blood. He said that the one in her mouth concerns him because it could rot out her teeth and inhibit her eating. However the only way to remove it is to put her under for surgery. While under he wants to get the one off of her head as well.

She is very healthy. The only things that inhibit her are her back legs which are sore and she has to struggle a little to get up. She doesn't go for long walks. In fact, she has laid down on walks before and just given up. So we quit taking long walks. She seems very happy and not in any pain, except for her legs.

Here's my question, should we opt for the surgery? She could live quite a few more years, which would be fine. However, she just may stop walking all together, then were would we be? Her quality of life seems to be fine. I don't want to make it a money issue, but the surgery could cost up to $550. We have no idea how much longer she will live and the surgery will not directly prolong her life.

So, if you had a geriatric dog, who for the most part has a good life, and needs surgery to remove a mass from her mouth, do you do it?

* We are going to opt for the surgery. By the next day, the mass in her mouth was already filled with fluid/blood again. She is eating differently than usual and I just ant her to be comfortable. But I agree Flicka, I get attached too and as long as she is happy, I think we should do our best to make her comforable.

Peek a Boo

There's nothing like a healthy dose of fear to make you feel alive. Even better is when you find out the fear is completely unfounded. The U/S on Tuesday was wonderful. The baby started noticably moving over the weekend so I had started to relax a bit. The baby rolled while I was in class on Monday. You know the feeling that you get in your stomach when you crest the top of a ferris wheel and begin descending? That's what it felt like. Wonderful and a little nauseating at the same time.

On the U/S we saw that it's alive. Still a beating heart. It has a skeleton. Hands, feet, organs, loves to move. The placenta is high in the uterus so I don't need to worry about placenta previa this time. And we saw a little something extra. I guess E and I wanted to know what the baby is more than we let on with each other.

We are having a boy. Dani is excited beyond words. She is telling everyone that she is having a brother.

Postponed

Well, it wouldn't be a scheduled appointment day for me if SOMETHING didn't go awry. The radiology dept. called me this morning and the chick told me that her machine is down so she has to reschedule me. Until next Tuesday.

I really don't like having the control of my well being (mental) in the hands of other people. And what is frustrating is that it is my problem that I let it stress me out. I just really would like some confirmation that things are going well. My doc. didn't want me to go past 20 weeks without the ulstrasound because of my already spiking blood pressure and now we are going to be past that. 20 weeks hits tomorrow.

I wanted to start stockpiling diapers and wipes, and lotion, and get paint samples. I just can't do it yet without a wee bit more confidence.

I'm afraid. For no particular reason. Just afraid.

Bizzaro

I'm telling you. Pregnant dreams are the best because they are SO bizarre. This must be what hallucinating on drugs is like.

Last night I drempt that I was a surrogate mother for my mom and stepdad. Crazy enough, right? Well, it doesn't end there. A few weeks after transfer I got pregnant myself. So, I was carrying 2 babies, one 4 weeks older than the other. That was the most odd thing. Well, it gets to the point of the ultrasound and the tech asked if I wanted to know the sexes. I said, "Don't tell me, but I will look and if I see, then I see." Which is about what I plan anyway.

Well, I watch the screen and I see that the bigger one is a boy. Then the smaller one is a boy too. Then for some reason I go into labor. And I am in a military hospital, but an old one. There is literally a row of beds filled with women in various stages of labor. Before I get into a bed, I have my mom's baby. And in my dream I am feeling all of the contractions. But I'm trying to not scream because there are babies everywhere nursing and some moms sleeping, and I didn't want to disturb them.

So, they take my mom's baby, I don't know where, and start monitoring me for the second baby. Only my contractions are slowing down, getting further apart and aren't as painful. So the nurse tells me to walk around. As I walk, they stop completely, so I'm very confused. All I can think is that my body is just going to wait the next four weeks for this baby to be born.

Then I get the bright idea that, "Hey, I have E's phone with me. I should call someone." Because up to this point I was all alone. So, I start dialing E's phone and he just shows up wondering where I have been. I start crying and tell him I'm so glad to see him because I've been here all alone.

In my dream it was weird that he was there because we had gotten divorced and I had remarried. So, I don't think the second baby was his, but he was with me anyway.

Firepower

Where we live here in the panhandle of Florida, minutes from the sugar white sands of the Gulf Coast, there are 2 Air Force bases, a Navy base in Pensacola, and a few little bases that are referred to as 'fields'. I think basically they are a runway in the sand with a couple of buildings for personnel. The cities/towns in the area are all built around these bases and the range that the bases use for exercises, and practice bombing, and shooting their guns. Our neighborhood is probably about 10 miles from this range. Nightly we hear the booms and repeating fire from these exercises. Noise near an air base is not uncommon but we had usually only heard the planes themselves. Now, we rarely hear the planes, but we hear their firepower.

Several times a week as I am laying in bed listening to the booms and bangs, I can help but be thankful that for us, these are not scary. For mothers in other parts of the world like Iraq and Afghan. they must be terrifying. Oddly, it doesn't make me feel safer, I makes me sad and angry that hundreds of thousands of people in those countries do not get a restful sleep because they fear that sound of aircraft firepower.

And there isn't really anything they can do about it except worry that one night that bomb or gun may be aimed at their home.

Is that a Salami or.....?

I know its wrong. I can't help it. The new subway commercial advertising their "$5 Footlong" is hilarious. Is it the catchy tune? The odd characters? No. Its the fact that people are putting their hands up to represent a foot long and it looks oddly like a male mating dance. "Hey baby, check out my footlong."

Spring Broken

I am not ready for Spring Break to be over. I enjoyed having a week where I didn't have any homework to do. Although I did get started on a sculpture I am doing for Humanities. But it was fun so I don't really count it. Dani enjoyed her week off too. We didn't really do much. We are both a little overwhelmed with school I think. But there were a few days where she spent the whole day 'out' just moving from house to house playing. Heaven.

I go back today, and the kids still have today off. Tomorrow they go back and I'll get the day to myself. Except for the optom. appt. I have tomorrow afternoon.

So today I am going back to school. Reluctanly, but I only have 4 weeks of the sememster left. So there is that to look forward to.

Gah

I knew it just a matter of time after telling my mom that she would do something tacky. She sent me a lovely e-card congratulating us on the baby. Then writes this as the sentiment.

"We knew if you kept practicing you would get 'er done!!"

I don't want to be over sensitive, but really, she knows that I don't say things like that.