I am to the anger point now. I have a lot of questions now that I don’t think will ever get answered. Like if Lana’s grandmother wanted her why did she wait seven blipping months? And how long did our agency know that this had happened? I am suspicious because I had emailed them a week prior asking a very important document question and never got a reply. Did I tell you what my coordinator said when I called, “I’m glad you called, you have good timing… blah, Grandmother, blah, Sorry. Let you process. Call us back tomorrow.” Umm… first of all, she should have called me the MOMENT she knew something. Second, I am her client; she should call ME back. In fact, the changes that Derek mentioned in his post are changes that our agency should have told us when they occurred. Secondly, we shouldn’t have even been given our referral until those new requirements were met. Oh, and the checks that we sent them cleared the day after we were given the news. I’ll give them credit for that, since our bank is somewhat in the middle of nowhere and may take awhile to pay funds.
I am really discouraged by the adoption process. It makes me want to do something. I think that the whole process needs to be reconstructed. There should be no excuse for prospective parents to lose the children that we have been hoping, loving, and praying for.
I am devastated for Derek and Lisa. The one comfort I had in losing Lana was that I never held her in my arms. I fell in love with a picture fast enough; I wouldn’t be able to deal with the loss after having holding her in my arms and looking in her eyes.
There needs to be something done, and I don’t know the first place to start. Maybe I can’t really do anything unless I am directly involved in the process as a case worker, or counselor, maybe something in the line of advocacy. Something has to change because it is not fair for loving parents to spend their time and life savings on the hopes of a child that isn’t even coming to them. Honestly, at this point, it’s not about the money. It’s about our hearts, our relationships with each other, and our hopes for making the difference in the life of a child.
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3 comments:
The process definitely is messed up. I really like my agency overall, and even so there are a few people I just don't trust at all. It's scary to put so much money and faith for something so important with people I don't necessarily trust. The kids get lost in all of this mess. It's just not right.
I don't know what agency you are using- but I think you are right. You should have been informed right away. You shouldn't have had to call them. I sort of get the feeling from some agencies that they see the whole adoption thing as just business. "Oh- this didn't work out, let's get you another one." Kind of like ordering an item from a store that had some problem and so they will replace it with a similiar item. I don't think they realize how they are playing with people's emotions and lives with these highs and lows. I think some agencies are probably better than others at being more careful and thoughtful. I wish we could hire every agency- and then just finish out with the one that was the best. We could review them all side by side and then let everyone know the truth about each agency. Wouldn't that be nice?
I agree with you totally, Liv. I don't understand why the process works this way. It seems like they have no idea the havoc they are wreaking on others lives. You're right, this needs to change.
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