Space

Specifically this space.
I don't know what it is for anymore.
When I started we were in the midst of adopting. It didn't work out and it still breaks my heart today.
Then we moved and tried ART again. And failed again.
Then we gave up.
Quit.
And my infertility journey ended in the most wonderful way possible.
I've blogged it all.
Maybe not great.
Maybe not consistent.
But as I search through my archives for things, I am reminded of things that happened.

I've had a rough year. My whole family has. I think that E took his mom's death harder than he thought he would. He's had a huge shift in responsibility at work. His frustrations started coming out in his personality. And I had to tell him things that I never thought I would have to.

My family was hurt by someone that I thought had been a good friend. A friend who I thought would tell me as a fellow parent concerns with our kids. Instead it seemed like she kept a log about Dani's behaviors and decided to throw it at me all at once. I'm sorry, I don't think that my child is a pervert because she is trying to go into the bathroom to wash her hands while another girl is in there going potty. Self-involved? Sure. The whole thing has made everything with my neighbors off too. Because she CCed them when she wrote me. And she told me I was the childish one because I was so upset. She did me a "favor before HRS came knocking on my door". Well, my life isn't missing anything without her. In fact, I'm a lot less stressed. I'm still sick over it some days though.

I've seen fellow bloggers attacked and I've admired their thick skins and ability to keep going. Maybe it's because they are attacked by people who don't really know them. But what happens when you are attacked by someone you do know?

How do you get past it then? Sometimes it's a member of your family, sometimes a friend. You are told your morals are out of sync and you are an irresponsible parent. You have a bad attitude. You don't really know the reasons for things.

And these people are supposed to love you?

For the past several months I have surrounded myself with the people who love me. E, Dani, and the Squirt. Everything I do, I do it for them. And I put on a happy face when I am doing it.

When I am upset, I come here.

Maybe that's why I post so infrequently. Because most of the time I'm happy.

Not that anyone ever asked.