Birth Control

In case anyone forgot. I have struggled with infertility induced by Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome for 12 years. For 12 years I mourned my inablitity to have children and sat on pins and needles the times that I did concieve. Dani's pregnancy was the easiest because I was so happy. The 2 losses were terrible, heartbreaking, and sickening to endure. Lana's adoption was equally painful for me. First by the fact that we lost her, and second from the lack of understanding from our friends and family. The best support I got from our loss was here, on this blog and your comments. The Squirt's pregnancy was also easy until the high blood pressure, diabetes, and early labor came about. However, it was difficult for my mind and heart because I was always afraid of something going wrong.

Before I got pregnant with the Squirt E and I decided that we weren't going to try anymore. We never considered the possibility of a natural conception either. So it didn't occur to us that we should need to entertain the idea of a birth control method. I had never conceieved naturally in my, to date, reproductive life so the entire subject seemed like a waste of time.

Fast forward to me actually getting pregnant and carrying the Squirt to viability and the subject came up between E and I. If it could "happen" once, then it might "happen" again. I honestly don't think I can do it again. Aside from the strain on my body there is a huge emotional strain for me. I am constantly worried about my baby dying. Also, the Squirt's delivery scared me. I went into labor 3 weeks early, my blood pressure would not go down, I hemorraged, and he couldn't breathe on his own. I am literally afraid of what will happen if I give birth to another child.

So, E and I decided that we would use a form of birth control. Neither one of us really wants to go the sterilzation route. I want something long term that I don't need to think about. The pill drives me insane. Condoms are a pain and mood killer for any spontaneity and the rhythm method? Please. I opted for the Mirena. I liked what I heard from other moms and I like how it could actually ease some of my PCOS symptoms.

When my mom asked when we were having another baby (yes, she really did, because I guess she forgot our conception struggles) I told her that I had had an IUD placed. She asked, "Do you know what they do?" I said yes and I understood where she was going. And IUD prevents the uterine lining from becoming thick and squishy enough to support the implantation of an embryo. And I had to remind her. That I had only ever concieved naturally once in 12 years. I really don't think that I need to be concerned with that happening.

So now my mom thinks I am killing my future children. The End