Good-bye Mom

I'm kind of bummed. E's mom died last night. She called on Thurs. night to say that she was going into a medical facility/home the next day. She has been living with E's oldest brother for several years and been on a constant oxygen flow for just as long. She had severe emphysema and probably cancer stemming from a decades long smoking habit. There were some xrays taken a few years ago that had very obvious mass-like characteristics. So her passing in no way comes as a surprise. She got sick in Jan., went to the Dr. and he said that she had only months left. She has had a home care nurse come to the house since then, but it had all started to get to be too much for Brother to take care of. She had fallen I guess, recently, while he was at work and gotten hurt, so I'm glad that she realized that he couldn't take care of her anymore.

She went peacefully, in a quiet room. Oddly enough, in the same building that her mother arrested in a few years ago. She had spent the day with two of her three sons. E talked to me last night (probably moments before she died) and said that she seems ready to go, but afraid at the same time. I can't even imagine. There won't be any service because she didn't want one. The kids and I are staying home.

I knew her 11 years to the day.

I have always admired her for raising the son that became my husband.

Today I did things that she hasn't been able to do for a very long time. I spent time outside and planted a few vegetables, herbs, and flowers. I took deep breaths of the spring air. I felt the cool air fill my lungs and course through my body. I looked into my young children's eyes. I drove. I let the sun beat on my skin.

I've been in deep thought about her for the past few weeks.

She loved the moon. It is waning now. Ironically. Tonight I'll sit under it and do my best to honor her.