Holy Shit! or What I Did Over Winter Break II

Do you have seatbelts on your computer chairs? You might want to strap yourself in.






After suffering through a 50 day cycle with PMS that wouldn't end. I succumbed and bought a test. Because we all know that when your period won't start, the best thing to do is take a pregnancy test. Hell, I've had my period start on the way home from buying a test. I almost fainted when I saw that second line. I bet you did too. My feelings are..... all over the place.

We've known for a little over a week now so it has sunk in for me. E and I are happy of course, but taken completely by surprise.

Ok, now you know what has been up with me. Now I need some advice.

I got a referral for an OB from my wonderful, fantastic civilian doctor. Unfortunately, my referral is with the local Naval hospital. I didn't think I would get turned back to military care. Which in itself is not entirely bad, but I haven't had the experience where, as a patient, I was a priority.

I know they are insanely busy. I know they have regulations. My first appt. with them is next week on Thursday. While on the phone making this appt. I explained to the woman, I think it was a woman, that this is a completely unexpected pregnancy. Two of my previous three pregnancies resulted in fetal demise which was not detected until 2 weeks after said demise via ultrasound. I stated that I would really like an ultrasound as soon as possible. The woman said that the first appt. will be for bloodwork and an initial counseling session. Then an exam would be scheduled.

I am wondering if it would be out of line for me to again state, given my history, that I want an ultrasound as soon as possible. That day would be wonderful. I don't want a full blown take measurement ultrasound. I just want to know if this baby is alive. If they say no, should I ask to speak to the Commander of the hospital? Tell them that if they can't meet my needs, I want to be under civilian care? Should I cry? Jeneflower, do you have any insight?

Well, Maybe Only 1 Worm in the Apple

The conference wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. You know, crying, yelling, rolling on the floor in tantrums. I'm proud of myself. I did really well. Really the problem is that Dani doesn't do her class work. And when she does it is scattered. She has a few things working against her. She is one of the youngest in her class. She is left handed, which I know from experience is difficult to master, she hates writing. The literal act of writing. You put a pencil in her hand and her body goes limp.

So, we aren't saying that she is going to be retained, but she has to show her teacher that she can do her work. Dani's teacher loves her. She said she has never met a child like her. She said she would consider having Dani tested for enrichment or gifted if Dani would turn in some work.

There were a couple of things that I brought up that the teacher didn't realize and she resolved to stop saying those things. For example, over Thanksgiving, Dani told us that her teacher said that she wasn't going to 2nd grade. The teacher followed that up this morning by saying that you have to show your work in first grade because in second grade things will be harder. There is a lot of independent work in second grade. The teacher realized that some children, like Dani, may internalize that and it would be a negative comment as opposed to a motivating one.

The plan for now is to that the teacher is going to talk to the school counselor because I want to know if there are anxiety issues that are hindering her confidence. Because, really, my perception of Dani is that she is afraid of doing something wrong, so she would rather do nothing. We will probably follow up with the counselor ourselves.

Also, I remember being in those early grades and being terrified of school. I didn't fit in, I always forgot things like homework and permissions slips which put me on a downward sprial with my teachers. We lived in rural PA so I had no friends to play with which caused me to lag in social skills and really the only kids that my mother wanted us to associate with were other JW's. Like I said, RURAL PA. We drove almost an hour to get to our weekly meetings where there were other JW children. I remember once when my 4th grade teacher pulled me out of the classroom because I wasn't getting something in Math and he got in my face with his coffee and cigarette breath asking me 'what my problem was. This was 3rd grade stuff and there was no reason to not get it. And what was going on at home?' It was awful. So, I definitely want to know if there is an anxiety issue that we need to address.

Also, Dani is just difficult to motivate. I remember trying to entice her with toys to roll over when she was a baby and she was just happy to look at them. She didn't crawl until 10 months, walked at 15 and she has never shown interest in doing things with her hands. Except sucking her thumb.

She's not even motivated to wiggled her teeth to get money from the tooth fairy. And let me tell you, the tooth fairy that works in Florida is pretty cool. She leaves gold dollar coins and she leaves glittery fairy dust on the windowsill. She has had 3 loose teeth since August and she only lost the first one over winter break. Because it practically fell out on its own. I swear if she could have put glue in her mouth to keep it there forever, she would have. So, yes, motivation is an issue.

Also, there is something else that has happened that I just don't know how to share. It's not to do with Dani. With me. I'm just surprised. So, I'll mull it over and I'll decide what to do.

An Apple with Worms for the Teacher

This is an email that I just got from Dani's teacher. I have one question. Why the Hell am I finding out about this now after I have send countless emails and inquiries regarding Dani's progress and asking for her teacher's input on how to get her to perform better only to get one line responses if any? Just askin'.... I think I have that right. I hope I cool off by Tues. morning.

"Let’s set the conference for Tues. at 8:00. I am placing Dani on a pmp (pupil monitoring plan) and have placed a retention warning letter in her report card she is bringing home today. The plan, which I will be able to better inform you about on Tues. will help both you and I better monitor her progress. The retention warning letter is a formality that our school sends to those who teachers have concerns. I will go over this letter and the retention concern on Tuesday. Please know that I do not like to retain a child unless it is absolutely necessary. We have two nine weeks to prepare Dani for the next level. Please come with ideas and ways that you will be able to assist me in helping Dani find the success she needs. I look forward to our conference on Tues."

Gee George

I just watched Bush's speech about how he wants to remedy our economy.

I couldn't help but think that when he reads in his head, he must move his lips.

Overwhelmed Infinity

First, thanks for your support. I really means a lot to me.

Second something cute. I clicked the drop down arrow in my browser to see if a link was still there and I saw this:
www weckins dockom
Dani got up before me this morning and wanted to play with her webkinz before I woke up.
Sidenote: I love Webkinz. It is so cool. If you have kids who like playing computer games I highly reccomend it. You buy a little plush Webkinz toy, Dani has a Chihauhau, which has a secret code. You go to the website, enter your code and you get an avatar pet who is just like your plush toy. Your pet has a room, access to a virtual store, arcade, you can earn 'money' and build onto your house. Very cute.

Third, something spastic.
Four classes this semester? Sure, no problem. I can handle it. Yeah, I'm screwed. I currently have about 12 hours of homework waiting for me and I am putting it off because I'm so overwhelmed I don't know where to start. Thankfully no class on Monday because of the holiday. But we don't get President's Day off. I don't get it. Oh, and forking out the $100 for a stupid graphing calculator for Statistics? Not happy with that. The teacher told us we would need one but didn't make any mention of how much they were. And he got a little high and mighty yesterday in class when he noticed some of us didn't have ours with us saying we "were getting behind the curve fast". He didn't mention on Monday that we would be using it the next time he met.

My accounting teacher you say? She is a ballbuster. I didn't realize how much of a fluff head my first accounting teacher was. He assigned all of our quizzes and homework online and that's how we submitted most of our assignments. This teacher doesn't assign any computer homework and insists that everything is handwritten and turned in because "you can't learn accounting by plugging numbers into fields on the computer. You have to write things down." I can see that. I agree with that to a point, but I wish that teachers were more familiar with each other's teaching style so that we were prepared for stricter teachers.

So how is your week going?

Boy

I knew today would be hard. I've been dreading it for months. I've been hating the fact that I retain dates as well as I do. Today was supposed to be my son's birthday. I remember I asked the nurse at the RE's office is she could tell by the bloodwork what age was reflected of the embryo. She kind of misunderstood me and gave me a due date. January 11. I regretted it immediately. I already grieve what was supposed to have been Michael's birthday and Lana's.

So today, I was supposed to be in the hospital giving birth to my son. I've imagined him looking like Dani. Pink, and tiny, and quiet. Snuggly, and sleepy, and warm. Moving, and nuzzling, and breathing. Ears like Dani. Tiny toes slightly turned in like she still has. He would nurse, E would hold him, and cry like he did when Dani was born. He wouldn't know who to kiss, me or the baby.

As wonderful as the day Dani was born, I mourn all the tiny memories that slip a little further away each day.

When I was pregnant with Dani, we had a boy named picked out long before a girl's name.

It was Geran.

I've been thinking about how I wanted to remember this baby, and I'm going to give him that name.

Geran, my son.

You'd have my vote.

The upcoming election has me overwhelmed. I want to make it good choice but it seems that the last few elections we have been forced to choose between the lesser of two evils. No one seems to represent the issues that matter to me. Only the ones that should matter, then I feel guilty for not really caring. And debates, caucuses, campaigning, ads? I'm sorry, they are just boring or downright nasty. The issue is not what sex, or race our President will be. The first requirement is he/she is human right? And are we forgetting the other women around the world who are or have been in leadership postitions?

That's not to say that I'm gunning for Hillary. But now the public is debating whether tears that she has recently shed were real or if she was trying to appear sensitive. What the Hell? We can't have a leader with feeling? Oh and now everyone seems to be in a tizzy because Obama has 'aquired' the support of the younger voters which Hillary was depending on. I'm sorry, election day is 10 months away. They will probably change their minds 10 times before then. You know what all this speculation does? The public hears that Obama has the support of young voters. Then everyone else says, 'Ah, what the heck, I'll vote for him too.' And Voila, there's our next President.

Here's what is important to me:
1. The War. I want it over. I want a leader who solves conflicts with diplomacy and without propaganda. I want a leader with a plan. I want a leader with a conscience, and I want a leader with a heart.

2. Insurance. Maybe socialist medicine isn't the best way, but at least people who need care would get it. Is that naive? I have only realized recently that my family has a pretty decent health care program. I call my doctor, we get an appt., medicine, referral, whatever we need. However, keep in mind that Dani and I currently have a civilian doc which is like a different world to me. E on the other hand gets frustrated with his care. When he makes and appt. he is required to sign in 15 minutes early. Yet when the doctor runs late by 15 minutes he's not supposed to care and the doctor doesn't get in trouble. And it is not fair that insurance is based on your income or work situation. Everyone gets sick and everyone should have the ability to seek care when they need it. Being sick does not allow us our Pursuit of Happiness.

3. Prisons and law enforement. As free thinking as I am, you would think that I would be for reforming. But I have little tolerance for people who are repeat offenders. If you commit a crime more than once, you need sever punishment. I am for the death penalty esp. for murders, rapists, and molesters. Recently a lawyer from our area was arresting in Michigan because he got caught in a sting luring him to a young girl. He killed himself in jail. He didn't deserve much better than that.

4. Homosexuality/Civil Unions/Gay Marriage. I don't care who the Hell you're sleeping with. I care who I am sleeping with and who he is sleeping with and it better be me. If you want to commit your self to another person out of love and respect, then it is not the governments right to take that away from you. The church frowns upon it? Sure, you could argue that. But E and I were not married by a preacher, or preist. Of course some would argue that we aren't truly married anyway. So then, what's the problem with letting gay people get married that way? The first step for gay people to gain equality? Maybe you should just go to a lawyer, devise the Living Will, Last Will and Testament, Power of Attorney, all of the documents that you need to become as married as you can. Basically setting each other up as your executors. Is it sufficient? Not in my eyes, but it will show the government that it is a serious matter.

5. Abortion. I am on both sides with this issue. I do not think that abortion should be used as a solution. I do think that in some situations it is necessary. If the child and or parent won't survive the length of a pregnancy is it really fair to sacrifice 2 lives? I don't think so. The parents who would have to make that decision would be traumatized for their whole lives. They don't need the government to take away that choice. If a mother chooses to sacrifice her life for her child's, that is very personal decision and one that would be between her and the baby's father, if involved.

6. Economy. It is a mess. It needs to be fixed. I don't know how to do it, but we need to fix it soon.

7. Environment. Build wind farms. Veer as far away from fossil fuels as possible and as quickly as possible. Make public transportation actually useful. I was talking to my brother today and he said if he wanted to take the bus to school he would have to leave his house 3 hours before his class started. That's not convenient and not motivating for people to find options.

8. Deficit and budget. Gah, I would say, no tax refunds for a few years to bring things back to balance. Sure it would suck, but a few years sacrifice for our country's financial freedom would work for me. Oh, and those pesky wars.... ending those would save us a lot of money.

9. Immigration. If people want to move to America. Let them, but please follow the rules. Apply for visas, and citizenship before you get a job. Be an actual citizen. Please don't enter the country illegally. It just pisses people off and forces you to live constantly looking over your shoulder.

I think I've probably ruffled some feathers. What issues are important to you? What solutions, if any, could you offer?

If I could find a canidate who thought the same way I do that would be wonderful. Basically, I want someone to lead our country. Be a good representative for us around the world. But don't tell us how to live our lives because of your or your church's beliefs. No one is like you, don't expect them to be.

How I Spent my Winter Break

So, I got bitten by the home improvement bug again. I had been wanting to tackle Dani's room for a LONG time. Besides, what better way to start the year? Here you can see the blue that Dani's room was before. I think in reality it may have been a bit darker. I had been thinking for a long time about how I wanted it redone and Dani suggested rainbows. So I did some searching online for rooms with rainbow themes and I found a mural with a rainbow and butterflies. I showed it to her and she fell in love. So we had our theme. Then I needed to get ready for it.

I didn't get any pictures during the process but there wasn't really much to see. We primered, taped, took off the baseboards, painted, painted some more, oh, and painted.
We painted the top half of the wall light blue which will be the background for the eventual butterflies. The bottom half is white. There is a chair rail, white, and all of the woodwork except her bed and dresser have been painted white.

I organized all of her toys in labeled, individual, plastic bins that fit under her bed. That includes a huge box of legos, Barbies, Polly Pockets, Potato Heads, and Paper Dolls. Her closest is still the home to some toys and of course her clothes. We are going to redo her closet next weekend I think.

I took her to L0wes so that she could pick out her new outlet covers and closet door knobs. I plan on getting her a dry erase board and mounting it here behind her door.

My favorite part of her room. E and I built her a desk. Our bedrooms are on the smallish side and I wanted her to have a place to work in her room. I wanted a desk that she could use, but that could stow away when not in use. I had seen similar designs online that went for $250+. No way was I going to spend that. E and I walked around L0wes and came up with this design. It is about 3 inches from the wall. The destop is on hinges and there are support brackets on hinges on the bottom to brace the desktop against the wall. You can see them in picture #2. I covered an old instant coffee tin with scrapbook paper for her pencils, and I hung her markers on a spare hook that I had. I'm very pleased with the outcome.

I'm not done with the room yet. I still need to get the paint and do the rainbow mural. I also would like to get her a wall mounted file box to hold paper for her to write on and I want to get her a cute folding chair to use. But for now, this is her new room.

Those are mylar balloons nailed to the ceiling. Every year on her birthday she picks a balloon and when it deflates I nail it to her ceiling. It is pure compensation for me never having gotten a mylar balloon while growing up.