I am officially under the care of a civilian doctor. I didn’t know that doctor’s were friendly and listened to your concerns!! I love my doctor in case you can’t tell. He was very concerned about my back pain and my infertility both which have plagued me my entire adult life. Probably in some parallel universe they are related.
He seemed distressed that I was on day 60 of my cycle and that my abdomen was severely distended and tender. He did bloodwork to confirm the diagnosis of PCOS, which the diagnosing doctor did NOT do. He cannot, however, prescribe Clomid so he sent a referral out through our insurance. I told him my back pain is not primary for me right now so we are waiting to begin a pain management regimen.
I expected a good 3 weeks to hear anything about a referral so imagine my surprise to get a call saying that I had been referred to a civilian! RE. The only daunting part of becoming a patient of theirs it that I had to go through the past 10 years of my medical records and pull out everything pertinent to my infertility. But I did it, I filled out their forms, got the 2 reports that I needed from E’s med. file and sent it off to their office in Pensacola. I’m currently waiting for the nurse to look through the papers to schedule an appt.
I am optimistic about TTC again. At the same time, I feel….guilty about leaving adoption on the back burner. E and I discussed in depth our feelings on our drive down here. I am still pulled to adoption.
I made the mistake of looking at the national database of available children. So many of them had severe medical problems. I wish that I had the strength to explore that but I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to falling in love with a child only to have to turn them away because I can’t provide what they need emotionally.
I also feel that now, I am not in the same genre that most of my other bloggy friends are. I was so grateful to have connected with the families who were in the same situation that I was. Now, they are moving on and I kind of took a detour. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge them in any way. I am ecstatic that these loving mothers are getting the opportunity to share their love with children. I just feel like, in some way, I chickened out.
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4 comments:
Your comment on my blog was dead on- we are in very similar places right now. I totally could have written the last 3 paragraphs (except I came from IF blogging, then ventured into adoption blogging, but like you, am now not sure exactly what I am).
I'm glad you are finding civilian doctors to your liking. Hopefully they'll be able to help you. Did you get lucky with conceiving your daughter or did your IF troubles start after that?
I love civilian doctors too. I loved it when we had a regular pediatrician. We actually got personal, individual service. The military hospital is just a machine- bring in the kid, put him in the assembly line and catch him on the way out.
I hope you can get great care!
Leggy~ Dani was a Clomid baby. Thankfully, I don't have to go the IVF route (not yet). I don't think I'm strong enough for it. I have had fertility problems since I was 19 but no doctor in their right mind wanted to help a 19 year old have a baby. Or be concerned of her erratic cycles.
Liv, you didn't chicken out. You made the decision that was best for your family. We'll all still be here to cheer you on!
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