Catching Up

Our dossier is officially in Russia. Just waiting the translation and authentication process. I swear, I honestly don't see how people can view adoption as "doing such a good thing", or "making a difference in the world". In general, I agree with those statements however, this whole process is so taxing. Its so hard to believe that I am doing something "good" when I need to validate my role as a possible parent to a child who needs love and a home. My hubby and I have been fingerprinted by our agency, Homeland Security, interviewed, background checked, spent nearly $10,000 in the past 12 months and very often I feel like we have nothing to show for it. Sure, all we are waiting for now is a referral and that could come anytime after the next 3 weeks, but where am I supposed to fit in until then?

I dreamt last night that my husband came home from work and told me that he had to go to a training school for 6 weeks. In actuality, he may have to go and we are trying to get him to go later this month rather than after the New Year because we will most likely be traveling. Anyway, he starts crying and says he can't leave me for six weeks because he got me pregnant. In disbelief, I say, "What?!?!" Evidently some doctor that he saw that day told him that I was pregnant. I don't know how the doctor knew this because I hadn't seen one all day. While my husband is distraught at the thought of leaving me in the beginning of a pregnancy; I am telling him that it is impossible. I just kept telling him that logically it didn't make sense.

In real life, I am on the pill. My doctor diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). He said bc pills will help regulate me. I have been on it for 2 1/2 months. And yes, I have regular periods. But OH MY GOD, my left arm itches like crazy and I think that it is related to the pill. I noticed that the itching was the worst in the first week of the pack. It got a little less the second week, and now in the third week, it's just a little itchy. I had to stop going to the tanning bed because tanning aggravated it even more. I can't seem to win. So I am going to finish this pack and then wait to see if the itching stops. It is driving me crazy. If the itching does stop, then I know I can't take that pill. If it doesn't, I'll have to renew my prescription.

I think that my going off the pill is giving me false hope. That little voice in the back of my head is saying you might be able to get pregnant now!! I wish I could shut it up.