Finally, I got a phone call today from our agency. They are going to place us in Stavropol, Russia for our adoption. Our dossier is being sent tomorrow. They will most likely get it in about 5 days and they will start on the translation process. That may take about a month and a half. My case worker said several times in our conversation that, "I think you will be very pleased with the turnaround that you will see with this region." I don't know if she was just making a general statement, or if she was speaking in some kind of code. But I feel like I can have hope again.
On a different note, I frequent many other blogs relating to infertility and adoption. These other sites have been invaluable to me over the past several months. I have been able to start to emerge from a very dark period of my life. I occasionally delurk to make comments. Today, I commented on a site that I have been reading regularly. She was talking about a woman in Target who made a comment, "Please take my kids." Well, the author of the site who has delved further into fertility treatments than my husband and myself and who is currently awaiting a referral from China just gave the lady a dirty look. Probably about what I would have been able to muster as well. I made a comment to the effect that I had a somewhat similar experience while dropping Dani off for preschool last week. Following is my comment,
Oh, Oh.... I have a clueless fertile story.I finished dropping my daughter off at preschool last week and followed 2 ladies down the hallway. The first said to the enormously pregnant other, "When are you due?" The massive one answered begrudgingly, "Five more weeks. I can't take it."The first lady said, "Oh I know, I just had twin girls 3 months ago. I feel your pain."Pain.... In my mind I chimed in, "Oh, it can be so frustrating.... I had a baby die inside of me, and now we are waiting FOREVER for a referral from Russia.... it's soooo exhausting." Yeah.. I think that would have fit right in.
Aside from my bitterness, I hope that your referral does come quickly.
*End comment*
Well, imagine my surprise and chagrin when I see this comment on my comment,
Liv, how is that a clueless fertile story? I've never been lucky enough to get pregnant, despite all the trying, but I think a recently pregnant woman and a recently delivered woman are allowed to condole on the discomfort and the interminability of those last few weeks. It doesn't mean your miscarriage(?) doesn't count as painful, or something. You might as well say that families who had a rapid referral and are now waiting to travel to Russia should not vent about the wait, on the chance that someone awaiting a referral might be within earshot.
*End comment*
It bothered me. I don't want to discount anyone else's discomfort, or time waiting or pain. But this particular site has been a place where I have been able to see all of my frustration expressed. That is what I view it as. The author of the site was ridiculed by several people that she was too sensitive and took the woman giving her kids away as too literal. I think that if her blog is the only place where she can express herself, then people ought to keep their mouths shut.
Yeah, I was able to get pregnant twice. Both with the aid of fertility drugs and I only have one child to show for it. God only knows what I would have done if I had to go through months and years of IF or whatever other difficult procedures there are out there. I didn't go that route because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the disappointment. I think with my second pregnancy I was too confident. God sure showed me, Haha.
I guess my comment wasn't really a conflict with these two women. I guess I just wanted to fit in somewhere. I can't complain with the other pregnant women, and I can't complain with the women who are adopting because they can't get pregnant even with drugs or procedure. So where am I supposed to comment to try to relate to other people? Does the fact that I had one successful pregnancy separate me from all the other infertile women? I don't think so. I can relate to their pain and frustration just as well. And even if I do comment, do I need to give a complete medical history so that people know that I do have infertility issues? It seems a little redundant and unnecessary to me.
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5 comments:
Hi,
I saw your comment on Karen's blog. I thought that person who made that comment to you was mean and was probably also CLUELESS about your situation. :)
My first baby was stillborn and I am pregnant with my second child. I make it a point not to complain about physical symptoms. I am grateful for every uncomfortable feeling in this pregnancy. And it burns me up when I hear pregnant women complain about pregnancy, because I think they must not know how lucky they are.
Thanks. My husband and I are having our own discussion on this topic as well. I did think it was mean of her to say as well as another comment I read on Karen's subsequent post. I guess I'd rather not add fuel to the fire. Part of me really wants to rip into her, but eh, what good would that really do. Thanks for your commment. When I was pregnant with my daughter I too was thankful every day. I never complained and I wish I had a better memory now to relive all of my feelings then.
Hello. Just visiting after reading the comment you recently posted to my site...
To answer your question, anybody who is adopting OR has infertility problems OR has suffered a miscarriage fits in with me. So keep stopping by and commenting on my site if you want! You are more than welcome.
Also, I keep a low profile in the blogging world which reduces the "drive-by's" and negative comments that Karen gets, so you are probably safe there. I haven't had one yet! (knock on wood) And, btw, there was NOTHING wrong with your comment. That woman's response to it was a bit dramatic, in my opinion.
Thank you for your supportive comment and for sharing some of your story with me. I look forward to checking out your book suggestion and reading more about you here.
Heidi (lost and finding)
I know I'm kind of late, but I just found you today.
I left Karen's discussion early (after asking her to delete my comments - I suppose I count as a drive by since I'm not going back there) so I'm not sure what all happened, but I think the debate was a result of two different interpretations of the original post. Some people read it as an expression of frustration on a blog, nothing more or less and they related to that frustration. To other people, it *seemed* as if she was expecting the whole world - or at least a complete stranger in a Target - to know what she is going through and tiptoe around her feelings, and they couldn't understand that. Note, I say "seemed," because it's all about perception. I still say I would never go out in public again if people knew I was infertile just by looking at me and started treating me differently because of it. That's just me, though.
Please note, I am not defending the person who was mean to you. I wish you the best of luck and a speedy trip to your little one.
jc
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