Surprise!!!

Got a call from E a little while ago. My cell was dead (left in the van overnight) and my mom has been trying to call since yesterday (I never have gotten around to giving them our land line number). They are on their way now. They will be here in about 6 hours. Nothing like a little warning, no?

Well, they want to see their new grandson. This I know. And StepDad loves spending Halloween with Dani. My kid is so creative. She is a Bunny Vampire this year. Her inspiration is the book Bunnicula. Cute story, check it out.

No idea how long they are staying. Not too mention that our old guest room is now the baby's room. He doesn't use it yet though, but we also don't have a bed in there. So, I guess they will be camping on the futon in the living room.

Now I have to figure out if I have enough food for the next few days.

Oops

What do you do when your friend, a straunch Republican (drunk), asks how you are voting on an amendment in your state and you give him the answer (thereby unvieling that you are a Democrat or human.....). And 'lo, it disgrees with his position which opens up a loooong political discussion which leads to everyone feeling very uncomforatable. Maybe I should have said, "I don't know yet." I walked away from the conversation a little uncomfortable, but grateful that I had heard his opinions on things and his reasoning. It made me want to research some topics that he brought up. However, he didn't even look at us the next day.

Throw in military service and dedication and it got bad very quickly.

**Edited to add** Not so insinuate that Repulican's aren't human, rather to say that I am Democrat and human. It is hard to validate my position to someone whose core beliefs are different and it feels as if their opinions of me do not view me on their level. Like I am inferior. Is that more clear? I dunno.

Body Language

I'm watching the last debate and looking at the split screen of McCain and Obama. My attention keeps getting drawn to McCain because I can't figure out if he is trying to look into the camera and smile at the American public or if he finds everything that Obama says laughable.

Anyone else?

McCain also just corrected Obama using the term 'charter' instead of 'voucher' regarding schools and I kind of want to remind that Palin is 'very sensitive' to Down's Syndrome.... not Autism. But we're not hashing words, right?

Darkness

They say it gets darker before it gets light.

I dunno. It seems to me that light seems very far away at 2:30 am and you are getting sprayed by baby poop... oh and at 6 am getting sprayed again... only with pee added in.

Of course this doesn't help either.

I don't even know what to say.

Tightwad

I found a good slideshow yesterday listing Kiplinger.com's Fabulous Freebies for 2008. Good stuff from free movies online, a food diary, college savings, even learning a new language. See it here.

It isn't easy being a Democratic military family. It is even more difficult being a Democratic military family while living in a very Republican military neighborhood. There is a stereotype that if you are military then you are Rep. But there is a growing underground of military Dems. We are few, but we are out there.

I don't proclaim to be a raging Democrat, and I would probably have a hard time defending my position to a knowledgeable Rep. about why I feel the way I do. But on a few of the key issues I have my opinion and they seem to identify more with the Democratic point of view. I am very ProChoice, ProGay, ProPeace, ProAlternativeEnergy, and ProEducation. If we need to raise our taxes for a few years to get our economy back on track, then do it. If we need to raise our taxes so that people can go to the doctor to maintain their health, then do it. If we need to raise taxes to guarantee that our children get a good education, then do it. Need to pay our teachers what they are worth? Tax me. What am I going to do with my excess money anyway? As long as my bills are paid, mortgage is up to date and there is food on my table; I can get by for a few years paying extra taxes. Well, I would if I were working. But E feels the same way about the money.

The Rep. position on the war seems to say that we need to be in 'those countries' to insure our safety. Well, you know what? I don't feel very safe knowing that my husband could come home anyday from work and have to leave that night and be gone for an unknown time. Or get a phone call saying he won't be home at all. It doesn't make me feel safe that he will be in a place that he could be seriously injured or lose his life.

I have a friend whose husband has to go up to a medical board and defend his right to receive full medical benefits after separation or to remain enlisted. For years, he has sacrificed his health and time with his family, deploying for months at a time in high stress areas causing him to develop a sleep disorder, depression, and a hernia. Now the military medical field is telling him that he isn't fit to deploy because of these problems that our military caused. They want to discharge him with only 10% of his pay and medical benefits only for him, not his wife and their 3 children. Not too mention if can't work how his family is going to survive on only his wife's income. They have a mortgage too. It just makes me ill.

I also get very annoyed when my friends who know that I am Dem. constantly forward emails smearing my candidate of choice. "He's murder, baby killer, terrorist, embezzler, yada, yada, yada". I get sick of it. And I feel it is disrespectful to me. Like I am gullible enough to make my decision based on what filters through the gutters of the internet. I find it offensive and she always says "I'm not trying to ruffle anyone's feathers, just want to get the word out". Well, this chick is ruffled, and I'm about to fly off the handle.

VP Debate

I watched the VP debates and I wanted to write about it before I forgot my favorite parts.... but that didn't happen. Between not sleeping, nursing, and oh, not sleeping my brain is functioning at about 25%. I should leave all of my typos as proof, but my OCD nature prohibits that.

I liked that we got to see the smart assertive side of Palin. I didn't like that she intentionally didn't answer questions posed to her. I almost felt as if she had researched the topics that she wanted to talk about as opposed to what the issues posed to her were. And she disguised it by "talking directly to the American people". Also, and this has nothing to do with the debate, but why does her husband never hold the baby? That bothers me.

I also very much liked Biden and his ability to correct Palin on her statements regarding voting records. I am not going to take the time to research who voted what when, so I am relying on what I heard and can make my decisions with what they said.

So, I was glad to see that Palin didn't come across as a ninny. I was almost starting to feel bad for her. Also glad to see that Biden knows his stuff.

Offside, the Obama campaign called me last night and was looking for volunteers for things going on in my area. They wanted me to be and "Obama Girl". And I would have if it weren't for that pesky not being able to sleep thing. Oh, and having a 5 1/2 week old baby. Did I mention I'm not sleeping?

1 Month

Today the Squirt is one month old. I don't anticipate doing a monthly post like Dooce, but I do want to write as much as I can before fatigue erases these wonderful memories from what is left of my squishy brain.

Though he doesn't actually smile, he does turn up the corners of his mouth while sleeping and I like to imagine that it is because my Mama Juice has made him deliriously happy. That or pooping feels just that good.

He likes to sleep on his side and will actually squirm until he gets it just right. He has been doing that for about a week now and it is wonderful to peek into the cradle and see his little hand pressed up against his little cheek and see his little lips pursed in a dream-filled kiss.

He likes being outside and thankfully our days have cooled down to the 80's. This makes it very easy for me to stay outside. Except for the damnable love bugs, it's heaven on Earth.

He has found his thumb on random occasions though I am doing my best to provide a pacifier when I can. Dani is 7 and still sucks her thumb, at times, which was cute when she was 3 months old but quickly lost its charm after she turned 1.

He is on a fairly predictable 3 hour feeding schedule. Of course, he's starting to make a liar out of me and stretching closer to 4 hours. In the last week he has been enjoying a couple of spurts of ‘awake time’ during the day. I laid him on his bedroom floor yesterday and he was quite content to look out his window and gurgle. He only complained after he spit up and it had gotten cold making it uncomfortable to lie in.

His cord stump fell off at about 2 1/2 weeks at which time I joyfully plunged him into the baby tub for a bath. He seems to like baths and quiets down after submerging in the water. Or maybe its just easier to relax once you have sprayed pee all over the house from your bedroom to the kitchen sink.... hmmm... *Note to self- Next time I am stressed I will have to pee all over the house and see if that works.* During yesterday's bath he was actually kicking the water and splashing. When he lays on the floor to play he has started to turn around. To date, he has turned 90 degrees. Yesterday he even knocked over a toy that I had placed juuuuust out of his reach. He fills out newborn clothes quite nicely now. He went to the doc. on Monday for his second Hep. B shot and was weighed at just over 9 pounds and he has grown an inch, though I suspect it may be more than an inch because the nurse didn't hold the tape at exactly the top of his head.

Dani = Enamored. She absolutely loves this baby. She kisses him then tells him those are his Big Sister Kisses. She loves to hold him, tickle him, and she still loves it when he sucks her fingers.
Breastfeeding is going well sore nipples be damned. I'll do it as long as I can but I don't know what to expect once my body regulates back to its PCOS status. He only feeds for about 10 minutes on each side, which it twice what Dani ate. I could only get her to eat one side.

As for me. I feel fantastic. So good in fact that it is actually hard for me to remember what feeling pregnant was like. I didn't tear, therefore had no stitches. Other than feeling like I had gotten hit by a truck the day after delivery I have enjoyed a fast recovery. It actually took longer for the epidural to wear off completely than it took for me get over the muscle fatigue. I guess getting out of bed every few hours to feed in the hospital's nursery helped with that. Since I’ve been home, I have been doing laundry, cleaning the house, started my outdoor decorating for fall, and I even got to mow my lawn. I missed doing that. Weird, I know.


Sex. Can't/didn’t wait 6 weeks. I read that as long as your incision/stitches have healed and you are structurally sound then you can proceed. I spent my whole pregnancy not enjoying it, and now it's like a breath of fresh air. Besides, for me, I feel very empowered. My body has accomplished something wonderful. And I feel like a true woman.

E went back to work this week. I love that he took 4 weeks off. I don’t like that we didn’t get all of that time together, but we did have a nice time. He continued to get Dani off to school every morning while I tried to regain some sleep.

Currently, I lose about an hour when the Squirt wakes up. He wakes up between 11pm and 1am, then again between 3am and 4am. Making my morning start between 6am and 7am. E is still here when it is time to wake Dani up so he gets her most of the way ready for school, then I just have to be up to make sure she gets out the door in time. This morning after the Squirt’s 4:30 am feeding, I just put him back to sleep in his stroller which allowed me to walk her up to the bus stop instead standing at the end of the driveway. This is her 3rd year walking up there yet she is ‘afraid’ to go by herself. It’s very aggravating.

Also this morning, since I was still taking care of the Squirt at 5:00; I decided not to go back to sleep. What was the point if I had to get up at 6? So, once E got out of bed, I made my coffee, gathered the laundry and started a load. I wash the Squirt’s first since I try to do all of his separately. There is always a lot because of the diapers. We are using the Bumgenius brand and I am quite happy with them. They fit just as snug as disposables, we have suffered no blowouts (KNOCK ON WOOD RIGHT NOW), and he seems to still be very comfortable in them even when they are soaked and soiled. The inside material is just very absorbent and it wicks away wetness very well.

So, have I forgotten anything? I think that covers it.

From Chewbacca to Yoda

Anyone remember this picture of my dog? This was taken in November after I had brushed her out. Last week we took her to get groomed and they kind of talked me into 'The Shave'.

I had no idea how big her ears were.

OPK

........Other People's Kids that is.

I love that we live in a neighborhood with lots of kids. And I love that many of them are Dani's age. I also love that there is almost always someone for her to play with.

What I don't love is kids fighting at my house.

Or going into my garage and playing with whatever they get their hands on.... like my expensive stamping/scrapbooking supplies.

Or finding several pieces of ABC gum spit into my grass while I am mowing because they are too lazy to find a trash can.

I also don't like walking outside and seeing several children on the trampoline spitting out popsicle pieces and smearing them on the trampoline 'because it makes it slippery'.

Also, since we are within walking distance of everyone's house, I don't like random children coming in and asking me for food. Go to your own damn house if you are hungry. Ditto if you want something to drink besides water.

And don't leave my cups outside.

And don't play with my stacked up firewood.

Or my yard decorations.

While we are at it, when we say, "Just play in the front yard and ride your bikes and scotters", don't keep asking us to play in the backyard. We don't have the time to sit and watch you to make sure you aren't killing each other.

Here is my mantra that I am trying to teach these kids, "Just because you can; doesn't mean you should."

I also am a little miffed at a couple of our friends, meaning the parents of these kids. Hello.... we have a 4 week old baby in the house. My husband is going back to work next week and I need to get this house back in order with his help... without the responsibility of making sure your kids aren't tearing stuff up right after I get it organized or cleaned. Oh, and since we are functioning on broken sleep.... try to not let your kids come to our house in the morning before we are even showered or dressed. Can you wait, or teach your kids to wait that until they see our front door open or Dani playing outside, just assume that we are not ready for company. 'Cuz I'm pretty tired of explaining that to them.

Thanks.

Puppp, not Puppy

Itchy. Itchy! ITCHY!!!

I've been going crazy for the last week while my stretch marks heal. This morning I Googled 'Postpartum itching' and found references for PUPPP.

"Pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP), also known as polymorphic eruption of pregnancy, is the most common rash in pregnant women. It normally occurs in first pregnancies during the third trimester with an average onset of 35 weeks. Thankfully, PUPPP does not usually affect subsequent pregnancies. "

And also,

"The cause of PUPPP is unknown. It is not associated with preeclampsia, autoimmune disorders, hormonal abnormalities, or fetal abnormalities. Some investigators suggest that the rapid abdominal wall distension damages connective tissue and causes an inflammatory response. One study has shown that male fetal DNA can be found in skin biopsies of the rash. Since 70% of women with PUPPP give birth to boys, a new hypothesis is that male fetal DNA acts as a skin irritant. "

So that explains alot. Also, from what I read, its almost over. I'm going a little slightly insane from it.

Here are some of the things I have tried to help. Scratching- it only results in welts and scratches. Cocoa butter- it only makes me smell like chocolate. Bag balm- it makes me very greasy and alleviates the discomfort for a little while. Hemmoriod cream- gives me relief for most of the day. I've been putting it on in the morning after my shower and again before I got to bed.

Ironic and funny in a way... I didn't have hemmoroids while I was pregnant, but I'm using the cream anyway. As a sidenote; I had the stuff in the house because I had heard that it helps to heal stretch marks because it shrinks inflamed skin tissue. Right now I don't care about the stretch marks. As long as I quit itching, I will be happy.

www.weather.gah/gustav

You may or may not have heard of a little storm called Gustav. Well, for about 4 days, it was all we heard about. We were in the original projected path of the storm. Thankfully, it continued to meander on westerly path. I felt badly for the people in Mississippi and Louisiana, but I was also feeling very selfish about the well-being of my family. The Squirt and I were fine and in about the safest place there was, but if an evacuation notice were issued, E is mandated to go.
So, he had to make plans and submit his evacuation location to base. I did not like the idea that we would be separated by several interstate hours because of a storm. However, we were lucky. In fact, it seems that the whole Gulf Coast was lucky because Gustav downgraded from a Cat. 4 to a 3 before it made landfall. We had some rain and tornado activity the morning of and day after the storm, but as far as I have heard, nothing catastrophic happened in our area. It also appears that the evacuations of Mississippi and Louisiana helped tremendously and I am so glad that the people who live there heeded the warnings and took the city’s plans and recommendations seriously. It also appears that although that area is still recovering from Katrina’s hit 3 years ago, it didn’t sustain as much damage as anticipated by Gustav. Most of the damage seems to be water related as opposed to death, destruction, and greed.

Now all eyes are on Hannah, Ike, and Josephine. However, it appears that those three storms may continue on a course along the East Coast as opposed to bulldozing through Florida and coming up through the Gulf.

Only 3 more months left of hurricane season ‘08. *Sigh*

Siblings

Dani met the Squirt on Friday, the 29th. E brought her after school that afternoon. I was in the nursery feeding the baby when they got to my room, so they came down the hallway to find me. We wanted Dani to see him as soon as she could but we also didn’t want her to be upset by his appearance so we waited until he was out from under the hood. I heard them come in but my back was towards them and I heard E telling her she had to wash her hands before coming all the way into the nursery. The very first thing I heard her say was, “Dad, I’m going to meet my brother. I’m so nervous my legs are shaking.”

They came around the corner and she saw us. I don’t know who she was more happy to see; me or the Squirt. She kissed me, stroked his head. Kissed him, she smiled; she was concerned about all of the wires and leads. It wasn’t because she was scared but because she didn’t want him to be in pain. And he wasn’t so she was reassured. She loved him instantly like I knew she would. But she has also said over the last few days that she doesn’t think that she is ready to be a big sister. I love it. She wants to be the best that she can for him.

Since that Friday, she has been to see him twice more. When she came on the 3rd (the first time that had seen him since rooming with me), he was sleeping in the bassinet and the first thing she did was run to him. She wished for a stool so that she could see him better. There happened to be one in the room for nursing moms to rest their feet on so I let her use it. I sat on my bed and watched her unwrap every single blanket off him as if she was unwrapping an anticipated Christmas present so that she could see his little body. He was wearing clothes for the first time and she thought he was so cute. She thinks everything about him is cute. His ears, nose, the way he sucks on her finger, his hair, toes, feet, and his winkie.

After they got home that night, they called before Dani went to bed. She was squealing into the phone and I could barely understand what she was saying. I heard the words toothbrush, tooth, and blood. Through deductive reasoning, I figured out that she had lost a wiggly tooth. Evidently, it was so wiggly that it came out while she was brushing her teeth.

And I missed it.

Taking Baby Breaths

On room air. 4 1/2 days old.

August 27- September 3

Around 1 pm that afternoon (on the 26th) one of the nurses brought me in a breast pump and suggested that I start pumping, even though my milk hadn’t come in, to stimulate my breasts so that when I could feed him, there would be something there. I did so religiously for every 2 hours for 15 minutes on each side.

My Gawd it worked. I have had no trouble with supply. In fact, I sent E home the other day with a gallon of frozen breast milk that I had pumped. I only pump when I am engorged to alleviate the pain and after I had nursed. So, I pumped for 2 ½ days while the Squirt got a steady diet of dextrose. At that point, he came out from under the oxygen hood and was able to maintain his oxygen supply with a nasal tube. We were then able to hold him and I was allowed to feed him although it wasn’t easy with all of the wires. For the next 3 days the staff tried several times a day to wean him gradually off the oxygen. The doctor who took over his case decided to have the Squirt on a 10-day cycle of antibiotics. This meant that he would be almost 2 weeks old before we could bring him home.

This threw a monkey wrench into our plans. We had only planned on being in the hospital for a couple of days. Once we realized it would be several days, we had to make the tough decision the E would go home to help Dani stay on her routine and to not take advantage of our neighbors’ hospitality. I was not even discharged yet because of my BP. I was officially discharged on Sunday but granted boarder status so that I could maintain my room and be available to feed the baby. Remember, it is almost and hours drive between my house and the hospital. My going home would be practically pointless as I was feeding the baby every 3 hours.

Finally, on Sunday the 31st, he was weaned to an open crib-- meaning out from under the warmer, and off the nasal tube. He under observation for 24 hours at which point if he did well, he would be allowed to room with me. He did well. Monday afternoon I got the cutest roommate on the whole Labor and Delivery floor.

He wakes me up every 3 hours with a whimpering cry and a smelly diaper. He poops and pees in my bed. He chomps on my tender nipples. He squeaks and squeals. He makes silly little smiles in his sleep. He cuddles on my chest and I hold him until my arms ache.

I love him.

I Had A Baby

Shortly after birth. All kinds of cone-headed.

About 1 hour old. I don't know how I did it, but my barrette stayed in my hair the entire time.

These next several posts will detail, to the best of my recollection, of the past 10 days. All will be explained. But thank goodness we are ALL finally home. Healthy, happy, tired, but together. Pictures will be coming soon. I just wanted to start getting these posts up.

25 August- 37weeks and 3 days

I had had consistent contractions since the false labor episode Friday night. Monday morning they were a little stronger, though not quite on a schedule. They were consistently between 3 and 6 minutes apart. I had a Dr. appt. at 9am. When the doc checked me, I had dilated to 3cm. Although I didn’t seem to be in active labor, my blood pressure was consistently high. I had my BP taken 4 times in the OB Clinic. The doc set me up for an earlier NST/AFI ASAP (I had one scheduled for 1pm that day) so I went upstairs. The NST/AFI came back looking fine. The Squirt didn’t appear to be in any distress, however my BP was still reading high. By this time, it was about 12 pm. I was starting to get hungry because I hadn’t eaten since breakfast at 7:30. One of the Corpsmen on duty brought me some graham crackers, peanut butter, and juice. I asked if I could go downstairs and get something to eat real fast from the Subway, but the doctor didn’t want me wandering around with my blood pressure.

The doc on duty up here decided to admit me for an initial 24-hour observation.
So, the Corpsman ordered me a tray from the galley. However, by the next time (sometime before 3pm) I was checked, I had dilated to 4cm. This threw me into the “In Labor” category and I was denied food until after delivery. My status went from a 24-hour admin. to ‘having a baby tonight’, so I called E for about the 6th time that day and said today was the day. They started an IV and decided to see how far I would progress on my own for the next 2 hours. It wasn’t much. In fact, there wasn’t any progression at all. And of course with my BP, I wasn’t allowed to walk around to help things along. I think E had gotten there by this time and they started running Pitocin.

The contractions started coming more frequently and were getting stronger, so I thought things were going well. I think it was about 4 hours later when they checked me again and I was up to 6 cm. Not as far as I would have liked and they had been upping the Pit. drip frequently. I think by that time I was maxed out on the dosage and I had to concentrate on my breathing when the contractions came on. When the Pit. started we had decided to see how things went with that and if things didn’t progress then we would break water. If I wanted an epidural, they would administer that first then break water. Considering they did the opposite when Dani was born, I thought that was brilliant. I knew that the breaking of the water would intensify the contractions 100%. I think it was around 9 pm when the epidural was given. Within 30 minutes, the doc. broke my water.

I stayed awake for a couple more hours then started drifting in and out until 1am. My left leg at this point was completely dead. I remember how odd it was that I could touch my leg through the sheet and feel a leg there, but I couldn’t feel my own touch. It was as if someone else’s leg was in bed with me. When I woke up at 1 am, the contractions were quite strong. Even the epidural, which had evidently settled on the left side of my body, seemed to barely take the edge off. I was breathing heavily through the contractions now and within 30 minutes or so, my breathing started coming out in moans. I was trying to not scream because it wasn’t that bad, but I couldn’t quite keep quiet. E was sleeping at that point and I woke him up with my breathing. He watched me, helplessly, for a while as things started feeling stronger and he kept asking me if I felt like I needed to push. Which I really didn’t. He couldn’t stand watching me in that pain, so he went to get a nurse. She came in with the doctor and I think it was about 2:10 am at that time. She checked me and I was finally fully dilated. That is when an OB team really kicks into gear. Within minutes, the bottom of the bed was dropped off, stirrups up, legs grabbed and I was pushing. I remember getting through the first contraction having pushed 3 times and thinking, “God, I hope I don’t have to push for hours because I won’t be able to do it.” I kept hearing everyone saying how good of a job I was but I was thinking that they say that to everyone. I pushed another few times through the 2nd contraction. They encouraged me some more. I pushed another few times through the 3rd contraction. E started getting really excited. I think someone said something about seeing a head. I pushed a few more times through the 4th contraction and within an instant, at 2:25, my son was born. 7 pounds, 5.6 ounces. 19 inches long.

My son, who for the past several months had been tenderizing my ribs and stretching my uterus, was here. He was surprisingly quiet, just letting the doctors and nurses clean him off and start observing him. They didn’t offer to let me hold him right away which concerned me. I could hear his breathing and it sounded irregular and struggling. Someone reminded E to take pictures, so he left my bedside and took a few pics of the Squirt, then came back to me. After about an hour, they let us hold him. I tried to get him to latch but he didn’t seem to be able to get the pattern of suck and breathe. The nurses took him back to see if they could stimulate him a little bit.
While they were doing that, E and I fell asleep. I didn’t want to, but fatigue and hunger (at some point I was given some juice and some more crackers) took over my body. The nurses woke us up around 5:30 and said that they didn’t like the way he was breathing so they were taking him to the nursery to give him some oxygen. That was the last time he was in open air for 5 ½ days.

Labor that is. We thought last night was the night. I'd been having consistent contractions since 4pm, they were increasing in duration and intensity. So I walked for a little while to keep them coming. When we got to the hosp. the Squirt's heartrate was in a dangerous range of 180-200. I was dehydrated. As soon as the 3rd IV stick worked and I got fluids, his heartrate went down to a comfortable range in the 150's.

The Dr. on call said bedrest means bedrest. And I need to be drinking all day. Which Iusually do, but the nurse suggested an increase of about 60 oz. in addition to my already 100 oz. intake. We were disappointed on our way home. Now having woken up for the day and processing what happened it has occurred to me that I really put the Squirt in danger by being so anxious. And I feel really bad.

The Word of the Day is... Preeclampsia

My urine came back yesterday as preeclamptic. My BP's were also high again. The Dr. put me on bedrest, instructed me to make another appt. for an NST for Monday. Watch for signs of rapid onset swelling, and headaches. I've been having contractions since yesterday but not regular by any means. If I get through the weekend, we'll see how the NST goes on Monday and induction is heretofore a topic of discussion.

I'm tired. E is freaking out. I'm bored laying in bed and it has been only 12 hours. It's also a little difficult to reach my laptop keyboard to type. So, I'll let it go for now.

Get your freak on

I had a Dr. appt. yesterday at 9:40. I got seen at 10:20. My blood pressure was high. Truthfully it has been borderline this entire pregnancy. I'm still having spikes in my blood sugar. The Dr. was looking at my history and decided to send me to the lab for some blood work, order a 24 hours urine analysis, and send me to L&D for a Stress Test.

The Squirt really had everyone going. Everytime they placed the heartrate monitor on him and left the room, he would move. So they had to restart the test several times. I was having contractions while strapped up too. I think I had 4 while I was there. He maintained activity and heartrate through the contractions so things looked fine. I didn't get a vag. check which I'm OK with. I hate those things. After they were done with their tests I waited for 40 minutes before they came back in and told me I could go home. I made it home 10 minutes before the bus dropped off Dani. Sure, I wasn't stressed at the hospital, but making that 45 minute drive home trying to beat the bus did stress me out.

Sitting there feeling and watching the contractions come on was kind of driving home the idea that we will have a baby sometime soon. Very soon. Based on the urine analysis they will decide whether they want to induce me early or not. It was like deja vu. I remember having the same issues (except diabetes) with Dani at exactly this point in my pregnancy . I had the blood pressure, stress test, analysis (which didn't warrant any concern), and was told the same information. I went into labor with her at 37w2d. That is this Sunday with the Squirt. SUNDAY!!!

Am I ready? Well that depends on your definition of ready. Do I have the stuff that I need? I think so. Do I actually feel ready? No. With Dani we went to hospital that night just as a precautionary measure. Little did I know that I was actually in labor. We just went with the flow. Now, I know that my body is going through the same changes and processes and it makes me very aware that the same thing could happen. I love planning and scheduling, but I also know that he may not come this weekend.

I know that he is strong enough to. I know that he is in position to. I know my history suggests that he is ready. But I'm a little freaked out.

Ok, make that ALOT freaked out.

Story Time

I'm sitting here at 35 weeks and 4 days pregnant, trying not to contract, and reflecting on this pregnancy. Currently, I am hungry, which makes me think about my blood sugar which is turning out to be the bane of my existance. It is getting more difficult to maintain the requirements set by my doctor. The morning fasting number is the most frustrating. It is supposed to be less than 90. However, I have only accomplished this twice. It doesn't matter what I do the night before. Have a no carb snack, no snack, or my regular snack, my number is still above 90. I've even tried..... *ahem*.... 'exercising' before going to bed and that didn't help either.

The worst side effect of gest. diabetes has been how it has effected my sleep. Last night I drempt that I was throwing caution to the wind so E, Dani, another little girl, and myself were going to Olive Garden for dinner. I was going to get a big plate of pasta and a tiramisu. When we got to the OG, it was closed. Like not the OG anymore. Instead it was some sort of medical clinic that didn't advertise exactly what they did there. Well, I was pissed. And crying. And I had to pee, so I went in to use their restroom. Only, they wouldn't let me leave. It was some sort of weird medical commune.

We tried to escape several times but their security kept getting tighter and tighter. Not too mention that, although it was Florida, the parking lot was 3 feet deep of packed and rutted snow. By the end of the dream, we had been placed in an apartment within the confines of the commune, and members of the staff were posted outside our house with shotguns in case we tried to leave. They even made us open all of our windows slightly so that they could hear us in case we tried to make an escape plan.

I even tried calling the police on my cell to tell them that we were being held hostage by these weird doctors and the police were saying that they couldn't intervene unless there were shots fired. And my cell phone battery was dying, and I didn't have the charger. Of course, I couldn't use the house phone because it was bugged.

All that for a tiramisu. That I never got. I woke up starving.

Overheard

This exchange was overheard the other day when Dani (whose ALL imagintive play revolves around her being pregant at least twice in a 5 minute time frame) and a friend were playing.

Dani: My water just broke.

Little Girl: That's OK. I'm a plumber!

How's this for Southern Comfort?

Let's discuss comfort. I don't know what that is anymore. Currently, I think my uterus is over my ribs. Sometimes when I bend the wrong way I feel like my ribs are going to pierce my uterus. For several weeks I have felt like I have a bruised rib because the Squirt pushes constantly on one spot. The only relief I have is when I lay down. And I can't lay down all the time. I have stuff to do. And a 7 year old to entertain. Plus last night, it felt like whatever side I was laying on pushed my ribs to overlap the other side of my chest. I feel like my skin is the only thing keeping my body together.

Comfort food. None. The doc slightly reprimanded me for a few spikes in my blood sugar at my last appt. I would love to have some ice cream. I really don't think that 2 or three spikes is bad for 2 weeks of good readings. Especially when I know exactly what caused them.

Baby shower. Makes me uncomfortable. I don't generally like having a fuss over me. My friends are all so excited though, and they really want to celebrate with me. For that I am indulging them. Plus, I really didn't want to spend all the money myself buying everything, but I was prepared to. Baby showers have always been so painful. I could probably count on one hand the number that I have attended. And I hate shower games. On the upside, I love visiting with my friends. Talking, laughing, eating (screw blood sugar that day), crying. I have been so lucky to have such good friends here.

Clean comfort. I don't have the energy to clean the whole house in one day. So, I take a couple of days to clean the house. By the second day, the first day's stuff is all messed up. And someone who takes wood ash out of the fireplace and sprinkles it around the house like fairy dust the day after I have vaccuumed and mopped doesn't help. I'm looking at you Dani.

Cool comfort. I know that Florida gets hot. I know I feel it more because I am pregnant. But Gawd it is HOT. I can't go outside to weed my flower beds, like I could bend over to get there anyway. I can't sit out on my front patio that E made for me because it is too hot. I can't go for walks, again to the chagrin of my doctor. Even the swimming pools and the Gulf are too hot.

On top of it all. I'm having a baby. Sometime in the next 3 to 6 weeks. I look at Dani's baby pictures and wonder what she would look like as a boy. I remember her snuggling with me, and sleeping on me. Smiling, and babbling. And then I start crying because I have loved every minute with her. Even though she drives me insane she does it in the most creative ways. Then my nose gets stuffed up and I can't breathe and I start gagging because I can't blow my nose because I can't catch my breath. Then I throw up because I'm gagging. And let me tell you, throwing up in front of the toilet in the last trimester of pregnancy, retching and peeing at the same time, is the most uncomfortable of all.

I'm so lucky.