I am feeling better already. Warm comments always do. Thanks girls.
I talked to my Dad today. He is not dying of the cancer that I invented. He just had a busy week and was waiting for a quiet time to talk to me. I jumped the gun and called him tonight and we had a nice visit. Dani wanted to talk to her 'Grandpa Tom' so I let her. He laughed like I haven't heard him laugh since I made tuna casserole for him for dinner and forgot the tuna. He asked her if we had any snow and she said, "No...we're in Florida!!" He loved it. He said she can't believe how well she talks. I guess she gets it from her gramatically anal mom.
It has been a long winter break. I love Dani. I think she is fantastic, but I am ready for her to go back to school. I only have to get through tomorrow. My semester starts on Thursday as well. My favorite thing that she did on winter break? She was practicing writing and she yelled from her bedroom, "Mom, what are the letters that make the 'ing' sound?" I said, "I N G". She came into the living room a few minutes later with a piece of paper that had 'Daddee is a stingkr' on it. Heehee... Yes Honey... yes he is.
Man I love her.
Our big family Christmas present this year was a family membership to our local zoo. I highly recommend doing this. Dani thoroughly enjoys going. We heard on the radio today that the camel at our zoo is expecting and they are having a naming contest. They also have a pair of Black Swans who are sitting on 2 eggs. It will be a fun spring and summer watching those babies grow up.
One thing I wanted to mention about 2006. I have watched Elle, Rhonda, and Jen, Karen, and Kim complete their adoptions. I have been so happy for you all. But at the same time it has devastated me. I keep thinking back and wondering what would have happened had I not been tired, and frustrated, and heartbroken. I guess I'll never know. I don't know if I have formally commented on your blogs congratulating you or not. I have in my heart and my mind. It's just really painful for me to tell you. Maybe its childish on my part. I'm just not there yet.
I decided to start 2007 of this blog in a new way hence the updated template. Most everything else is the same. I had to figure out how to arrange the sidebar the way that I wanted it. It was fun and made me, once again, want to learn how do code and graphics. But, for now it can wait.
This year, I want to take the title of my blog to heart. Listen and Hear. I am a very good listener but I don't always hear what I am supposed to (especially when directed to me). I originally intended this to be a place where I heard what the universe was whispering in my ear. I haven't been doing that and I think I need to. I also hope to approach the new year with a quiet reason that allows me think about what I hear and fit it into my life where it is supposed to go.
I've never been one for resolutions. But I have always been one for individual spirituality. I need to find it again. I mean REALLY find it. Because I fear that if I don't, I will forget who I am and never find it again.
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3 comments:
I know the pain of watching your friends pass you by all too well. Your love has always been felt and I am sure my sistah agree that we wish you every joy imaginable in 2007.
I was at a funeral yesterday. One of my friends passed away suddenly -- his death is a big loss to everyone who knew him and to the adoption community in general (he and his wife did so much to promote older child adoption).
During the service the pastor kept speaking of "getter better not bitter." It really spoke to me about my loss of Peanut. At first I kept shaking myself back to the moment and remembering this wasn't about me and my adoption process, it was about my friend's funeral. But I knew him and I know nothing would give him greater happiness than for me to learn a lesson that strengthens my resolve to adopt through him. He did that in life, he's already doing it in death.
I've spent a lot of time and energy being bitter about losing Peanut. Yes, I've moved on and I'm still trying, but I'm still angry. I realized yesterday how that isn't helping anyone. It's time to get "better, not bitter."
I don't mean to be preachy. You know that I'm not very religious or anything. It just helped me and I wanted to share it.
I'm catching up on posts, here, so I wanted to voice my support....I know that when we lost our pregnancy, it took me a very long time to cope. So, PLEASE PLEASE don't feel guilty if you don't comment a congratulations, or something like that. Oh, how I understand. There's nothing harder than missing your child while everyone else brings theirs home.
Oh and a comment on another post where you said 'I look at this picture and I wonder, "How can I not be happy with this?"'...just thought I'd pipe up and say that the fact that Dani is SO great is the very reason you'd want another. I think its just a testament to how much you love her, and how happy she makes you.
Much love from Alaska. I am hoping this year is your year.
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